It does get better!

Appleseed is 5 weeks, 2 days old

Sorry for not posting for so long!  Things are going much smoother here in the CS household!  People kept telling me "it gets better" - and I was like "WHEN?" - but turns out, for us, that was about week 4.  :)

Appleseed and I are much better at figuring each other out - ok, maybe it is mostly me understanding her better, but it makes for a much easier day.  And I can now put her down for some naps - I hadn't been putting her down at all, which makes life harder.

And she is so cute.  And we love her so much.  Of course.  She made quite the splash her first time at Church two days ago!  :) 

We're mostly into a sleeping rhythm, we are slowly adding bedtime routine type stuff into the day.  Exciting for me - I've now caught quite a few of her pees in the potty.  (Infant pottying)  I hope to be a part-time infant potty-er eventually.

Quick pic (pic is maybe a week old?)

Sorry, it is really hard to find time at the computer.  I've been lurking on all your blogs, hard to comment from the tablet (due to me using various accounts).  The tablet has been a dream - I've been reading lots of e-books while I hold the baby and she sleeps or nurses.  :)

Oh, and my boobs are good now.  Phew!  That ALSO makes life way more easy!

State of the Union

Appleseed is 3 weeks old


Sorry I haven't posted since the birth - it's been sort of a wild ride!

Appleseed
Is doing great.  She's gaining weight, and seems to be filling out a little.  We're starting to figure her out more, so things are getting smoother.  I swear she gives us smiles now and then.  :)  But mostly sleeps.  In arms.  She looks NOTHING like me.  Hahha.  Its ok.  Well, her hair is brown instead of black, that's my contribution.  Otherwise it looks like I adopted an Asian baby.  :)

Boobs
Are finally on the mend.  Rightie had a SUPER painful nipple, so I was pumping that side to rest it.  But here let me be a cautionary tale for you - I was sort of lazy pumping, and didn't do it often enough.  Result - BAMN, Mastitis!  OUCH.  It was crazy.  Tuesday morning I was fine, by lunch I was a freezing shivering mess (due to fever).  Thankfully it was a day the midwife had planned to come over, and right away she was like "mastitis".  She said I was to stay in bed 24hrs, only to nurse the baby.  I have the best DH in the world, he was a HUGE help.  It was really about two days I was useless - the fever killed me.  Even though I went on antibiotics right away, it took until ~Sunday for things to really feel better.

I went off painkillers/fever reducers on Thursday - wham, the fever was back.  Finally by Sunday I think the last duct was no longer plugged, and it is just a bit sore.  The nipple on that side is still all chewed up.  I am hoping that Rightie will be as good as Leftie (who has no complaints, stopped hurting about 1.5 weeks ago, is a bf champ) in 3-4 days?

I knew breastfeeding could be hard, but hadn't quite planned on how hard.  I am mostly over the hump now (rightie hurts a lot for the first minute, then it settles down).  We thought about formula, but there are just SO many food allergies in my family I wanted to get through it without formula.

The Day your Milk Comes In
My midwife warned me I'd likely cry the day my milk came in (day 3 or 4, usually).  I thought this meant that silly crying, where you cry for no reason.  I think for some ladies that is the case.  But not for me.  I cried because I was really sad.  Crazy, right?  And I knew it was crazy, and that made me sadder.  Yikes.  It was a really bleak day.  Not at all what I was expecting.  The fog sort of lifted all at once, which felt great.  I felt like a normal person again - but what a scary experience.  Hormones are killer.  I was a bit sad on and off throughout the next week.

Gross Things
A day after the birth a friend of mine IM'd me to say congrats, and she hoped I was dealing with the Gross Things ok.  I didn't get it.  Cut to like a day later - I get it.  Gross Things happen after the birth, for like that whole first week.  Too Gross even for a mostly-anonymous blog.  Suffice to say, any place that leaks fluids on your body may surprise you.  I wasn't expecting any of that nonsense.

In Sum
It was all a lot harder than I thought it would be.  Somehow through my years of IF, I thought the second that baby came out the world would be full of unicorns, rainbows and talking kittens, but actually that first week was quite painful still, and tough emotionally.  And the second week I wanted my boobs to fall off, and still tough emotionally.  Third week I got mastitis.  I am hoping fourth week will be smoother.  We're starting to take visitors, and DH's mom has come by a few times now to hold the baby while I rest.  REALLY nice.  Especially when I was still slightly feverish, I just needed to doze a lot.

Oh, and a few days ago DH found out he's been laid off.  Hahha - never rains but pours, right?  But we'll be ok.  He's been expecting it for a year or two.  And he's excited that maybe this will lead to a better job.  And worst comes to worst, I could go back to work early from mat leave, we won't be out on the street or anything.  But yikes!  The kind of annoying part is that he still has to work ~2 months - I could use the help at home for the next week or so!  And his boss made him work the 3rd week even though I was sick (well, half days) - all to be laid off at the end of that week!  I REALLY could have used him with me full time through that!

Appleseed's Birth Story

Here it is, the birth story I've been waiting and wishing to write for so many years!

It's not quite the one I pictured writing.  If you are pregnant now or planning a natural birth, I seriously suggest not reading on.  Of course, after hearing that you're probably all ears, but I warn you - it isn't all sunshine and lollipops coming.  But there is a GREAT ending.  :)

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I was 11 days overdue, trying everything to naturally induce labour.  It was castor oil day, which gave me [TMI!] some serious diarrhea, at about 1pm and 3pm, and just a bit at 4pm.

Between 4-5pm I believe I went into labour.  At 5:30pm I asked DH to call the midwife, contractions were about 2 min apart, but they were about 20-30s long.

And here it is where we deviate from the birth I was picturing and hoping for.  The contractions (or surges) HURT.  I could not relax during them.  I even cried because I was 'doing it wrong', but I could just NOT relax.  Now, maybe I should have started a rainbow relaxation before then?  But I tried and I couldn't focus on it at all.

I got in the bath to see if that helped.  It didn't really.  We were doing acupressure for birth, and we did this throughout the whole birthing.  I do think it sorta helped.  It seemed to make things slightly more manageable.  For the few contractions DH was not by my side doing acupressure, I found it much harder to take.

The midwife got to our house while I was still in the bath.  I already didn't care about being naked, I was too wrapped up in the pain.  She checked the baby's heart rate while I was in the tub (Appleseed was fine), and I got out so she could see how dilated I was.  I was about 3+ cm, and the baby had moved down quite a bit.  She was surprised things had started off so well!  I would have for sure cried if there had been no progress for all that hurting, but thankfully things were rolling.  She also broke up some of my scar tissue at this time.

She decided she would set up, then leave.  They don't generally like to lurk around - it could be another 12+ hrs before show time, afterall.  It took quite a while for her to set up, which I was oblivious to.  I was focused just on each contraction, and on DH and his acupressure.  She gave me an IV bag of clinomycin around this time - it didn't take long, wasn't a big deal.

They never really slowed down to 3 min apart, and often they didn't really give me a rest in between.  I believe for a lot of women in between contractions they feel totally 'normal' - but not me, I was sore, and some of them never really felt like they quite stopped all the way.  They also didn't much lengthen to that 90s I had heard about - thankgoodness.

She left, and here things are a bit hazy for me.  I spent the next couple of hours just having regular active labour.  I had to be reminded to breathe during each surge.  It was so natural to tense up!  Really really hard to breathe.  NOT what I was expecting - "meet each surge only with your breathe" - hah!  Fail!

I was mostly laying on my side, but I did a few contractions on my hands and knees.  Didn't really matter.  I think it was around 8:30pm, I decided to get into the bath again.  Again, it didn't really help.  The contractions felt pretty much same in the tub as out of the tub.  Poot!  That too was disappointing.  I've heard a lot of tales about how the tub really helped some women, but I guess that's just not how I roll.

It was around this time I went through "the transition".  Yup, I threw up a little.  Just like you've heard!  But I hadn't really eaten much all day, it wasn't a big deal.  I was weirdly not very hungry all day.  Actually, during many of my surges I would feel quite nauseous at the peak of them, I made sure the throw up bucket was nearby at all times.

DH called the midwife and told her.  While he was on the phone my contractions changed into the start of pushing contractions, he relayed that to her.  What I really said was "I think I had the urge to push".  How that soon changed!  I had been silent all this time through all of this, but here is when I started to get loud.  Poor neighbours!

Mw arrived quite quickly (9:25pm), and I got out of the tub and went to our bedroom where she checked me.  I was 10 cm!  GREAT progress - those contractions may have hurt but they sure were working - but I didn't care.  The pushing contractions were my whole world.  I started to really yell and scream - mostly "OW" during each one.  Like, really loud.  The secondary midwife arrived (9:40pm), which I knew was good, but again, didn't really care.  I didn't even look at her for an hour, my eyes were shut.

So these contractions were SUPER overwhelming.  I can't even understand how people couldn't push.  My body I think did most of the pushing, I just helped out with what I could.  I did my pushing on my back with my legs in the air - again, not quite what I would have thought, but that's what felt best at the time.

My water blew out around sometime after this.  I will say that was kind of fun.  It was during a pushing contraction, and it was like a rocket.  Hahahha.  It felt good for like 20 seconds.

About halfway through this (10:25pm), the midwife said I had to turn to my side a bit, the left side of my pelvis was slightly tight.  I ended up doing the rest of my contractions with my leg on her shoulder!  Hah!  I'd like to see an OB do that.  :)

With every pushing contraction, she was opening my tissue or 'gently' moving my pelvis aside so this would be over faster.  And that's what REALLY hurt.  But really, there were no flowery thoughts during the pushes.  I honestly could only think "get out of here".  Poor baby! 

The midwife did coach me with pushing, but I kinda ignored her.   Maybe this is what Hypnobirthig meant?  Some contractions I had two pushes in me, some had three, some had four.  And yes, I didn't breathe at all during pushing.  But it felt kinda good.  At least I had some serious relief in between these ones, that really helped.  The rest period really was restful.  And I needed it, to catch my breathe and take a sip of water.

After each a surge she would often say "good, CS, she moved down quite a bit during that one".  That was encouraging.  :)  Although I think 'quite a bit' meant 1 mm.

At 11:18pm, she finally came out.  And that's how it felt.  Finally.   The heavens didn't sing quite like I'd imagined!  There was no magical rush of endorphins. 

The Placenta came at 11:25pm, I declined the shot of Pitocin - I had to push it out a bit.

All in all it was a short but hard labour.  In fact, even though she's on vacation now, my midwife came over today to visit, and re-iterated that fact.  I had a really hard labour.  The theory is everyone gets the same 'cup of pain', but a more usually the first labour usually takes much longer so is less intense.  She was really proud of me, which was nice.  She was impressed I didn't ask for pain killers - but...I know there is nothing they can do at home, and it was too late to go to the hospital (and I didn't want to go anyway), so even in my half crazed state, that wouldn't have made sense for me to ask.  I just wanted it done.

Sadly, either Hypnobirthing failed me or I failed Hypnobirthing.  I am really disappointed with that.  And kind of resentful?

It was nice that my body really did know what to do.  It wasn't painless by any means, it was brutal.  But I never stalled at any point, and all the contractions made headway.  So despite all that nasty endo I had last year, I seem to have a GREAT birthing body.

And the main conclusion - Appleseed is super.  Her heart rate was good the whole time.  She got an APGAR score of 9/10.  She was lovely and pink and alert.  For all this, I am glad we had a home birth, I wouldn't change it.  And now my sweet pea still hasn't been to a hospital - awesome.  :)

My perineum is intact, which somewhat seemed to astound my midwife - she really thought I was at risk for a 3-4th degree tear.  Massage your perineum, ladies!  I did have some other tearing, and have a few stitches.  That continued to suck a bit after the birth.

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Here I am 9 days later, just adding in some details (times) before I post.  Man!  The memory of the pain is indeed fading - but it took a good few days for those memories to go down at all!  At the time I was totally all for having only one baby, or getting an epidural next time.  Who knows, I might.  I would describe my birth as slightly traumatic, actually.  Overwhelming.  Thankgoodness for fading memories.

Appleseed ON THE OUTSIDE!!!

Introducing, the Appleseed!

No, that is NOT her real name, but for the purposes of this blog, I think I'll stick with it.  She is named for my Grandmother, and her Chinese name is still being worked on.

:)

I can't believe she's here!  Yay!  Hooray!  We're both doing fine.

Castor Oil Shake Recipe to induce labour

41 weeks, 4 days

So my midwife says the recipe below is more effective at inducing labour, and has less side effects than just taking a slug of castor oil on it's own.  She said they used to recommend 4 oz. of castor oil, and you can see below the recipe only calls for 2 tablespoons.

Recipe for Castor Oil drink to Induce Labour

• 2 tbsp castor oil
• 2 tbsp almond butter (or other nut butter)
• 5 drops lemon verbena
• 1 cup apricot juice
• 1 cup crush ice

We're not really ice people (particularly with the weather still being cold), so I'll probably skip the ice, but my apricot juice is chilled.  The nut butter (we'll use peanut butter) is supposed to be to keep it in your stomach a little long so it is more effective?

I then just whirred it up in my magic bullet.

Update:  Tastes kinda good, actually.  Like a peanut butter smoothie.

Update:  Had about 2-3 bouts of diarrhea in the afternoon.

Update:  Well, I went into labour that night. Can't say for sure it was this drink, but it didn't hurt!

Saturday's Stretch and Sweep

41 weeks, 4 days

Well, the stretch and sweep turned into just a sweep.  I was not dilated enough to allow for the 'stretch' part!

She did mention she could feel quite a lot of scarring on my cervix, and that she'll have to pop that open during labour.  Yeehaw!  Cervical cryosurgery was worst thing ever.  Bah.  But I knew this a while ago, it was just re-confirmed again.

So, uh....the sweep really hurt.  :(  DH was on the ball and reminding me to breathe and things, but I was having a load of trouble.  I asked, "Is this what labour will feel like?", and she answered a "sort of" kinda answer.  Well.  At least I've had a preview?  I totally wasn't prepped with being ultra-relaxed or anything, we were just chatting beforehand.  So hopefully with the Hypobirthing prep this will also make things easier to cope with.

I pictured labour to be more muscle pain, but this was stinging cervical pain.  Hrm.

The good news is that DH had the presence of mind to try some acupressure while this was all going down, and I think it really helped.  There was one point when DH and I had a miscommunication - I meant "press harder" and he thought I meant "stop".  So he stopped, and in the time he was not pressing on the point it was much more painful.  Then he went back on and it was much more manageable.  Down to a dull roar, totally do-able.

When he was pressing the acupuncture point, mw sometimes would say things like, "this is going to hurt", and it didn't really hurt more.  So, good.  It was funny, last we discussed it and it turns out he was doing a point on my shoulder AND one on my hand, but I totally thought he was just holding my hand!  Hahhaa.  Odd!  I guess I wasn't thinking about my hand at all.

DH and I have since come up with hand signals.  I'm totally not great at vocalizing if I'm too relaxed, or under too much stress, so I think the hand gestures will be good.  (Yes/No/More/Less/Stop, nothing fancy).

Anyhoo, this did not put me directly into labour as might have been the case.  We actually went out to a dinner party last night!  Which was nice.

Oh, and the real news was that the ultrasound shows Appleseed is doing quite well in there.  She scored 8/8 (perfect!).  So no worries she's in distress (yet).

Plan:  Today I'll do the Castor Oil shake, then Monday I am transferred to secondary midwife, and we'll consult.  Likely blue/black cohosh.  Also Monday will be another bpp u/s.

Sugar juice

41 wks, 3 days

Yesterday was a bit of a roller-coaster!

I woke up early (6am, yo!  who knew they made that time?), had a nice first breakfast, then went for a pre-2nd-breakfast walk!  Totally what I should have been doing like every day - but was the first time I'd actually done it.  Weather was nice and springy, lovely and calm morning walk.  :)

Then DH made me a lovely omelette for second breakfast.  I signed up for Twitter (HAH!  I can't believe it!  Email me if you want to follow me - warning, it will be mostly baby related, I am guessing).

Then 3rd acupuncture visit.  Nice, but uneventful. 

Then lunch and off to the ultrasound from hell.  So, you'll have to excuse me, but this is where I am going to complain for a bit.  Now, I've had a billion ultrasounds, it isn't a big deal.  This was a new clinic downtown, but I thought - "hey, it'll be fun to take the streetcar!".

I had an appt at 2:45pm, and left early with loads of time.  I got there at like 2:30pm, they said they were running late, no worries, I sat back and chillaxed and read news on the tablet.  They had said to drink some fruit juice beforehand to make the baby move.  Ok, so I had a cup of sour-sop juice at home, but when I got there I thought maybe I would need more, so I hurriedly bought a bought of "grapefruit cocktail" in the building.

Now naive little me actually did think, "maybe they are blending mango and grapefruit to make this 'cocktail'" (which would have been weird anyway, but I swear that thought dashed through my head).  Harumph!  Duh!  No.  I am normally a label reader, but I had to pee, so I just bought it and dashed upstairs to the ladies' room.  As you know because you were not born yesterday, "cocktail" means "we added sugar/high fructose corn syrup". 

I waited a while in the waiting room, still pleased.  Then they took me to this changing room area.  Like, this ultrasound place is SO BIG they have 6 changing little changing booths.  Weird.  And then it all turned pear-shaped.  I was left sitting there in my gown-that-opens-at-the-back for like over half an hour!  And I think by this time the juice was making me crazy.  Too much sugar and I don't go well, I was actually feeling super nauseous and hot and sleepy. And pissed off.  I really don't get pissed off very often.  It's generally not in my wheel house.  But I was pissed off.

When the ultrasound finally started, they didn't have anything to put under my knees.  I was having a very bad back day - hard even to walk at times.  I was less than impressed.  And she used an ENORMOUS amount of gel on my tummy.  Like, half a tube.  You just don't need that much.  The top of my pants were gooey and wet!  What the hay!

And baby girl didn't like her, and didn't move right away for her.  But I had felt her move not that long ago, and I knew her heartbeat was ok, I just heard her check it.  But she was all "if your baby doesn't move soon, you have to go to the hospital".  !!!!!!  It was hard not to freak out, despite knowing baby was ok.  I turned on my sides (as my back complained loudly), and Appleseed did finally move.  Phew!

I left at >4:00pm.  Bah!  Lying on the table I had decided to take a cab home because I was so upset and still nauseous, but in the end I decided to be a trooper and take the streetcar home.  Which ended up smelling like homeless people, and making me want to move to the suburbs.  :(

I pulled out of my suckyness after some time to rest at home (plus lots of DH hugs), but MAN!  What a day!  Sorry for the rant!  I still know I'm lucky everything is ok, it just seemed like too much yesterday.