My cousin's 18 year old is pg with her second kid.

For real.
Just saw it on Facebook.

Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.

It occurred to me the other day - I hope to someday have grandchildren (as much as this seems a pipe dream right now).  But my cousin (who is like 36) already has a grandchild (ahem, apparently second one on the way).  So theoretically, while I hope to one day have grandchildren, she will likely have great-great-grandchildren.

For real.

WTIF!
(Does the bolding and large red font get across my whiny anger?)


Sigh.

..and some bad news..

Oldest sister lost her baby.  That is very sad.  She had to call up DH to tell him, since we're going to see them at a wedding next weekend.  What a rough phone call to make, eh?  If I ever do get pg, I don't know how I will keep the news to myself for three months - but the alternative of the un-pg conversations... very rough.  Poor Oldest Sister.

I know she had a tough pregnancy from a morning-sickness point of view, so... I don't know why, but that makes it seem extra bad?  This is one of those times I want to know all about it, but probably won't say more than "we're sorry for your loss".  Particularly since (it seems to me) Chinese people aren't really open about death, it is more of a private thing.

I'm 100% sure she's going to be looking fabulous - she's very fashionable, and I don't think she would have gained any weight.  But saying "you look fabulous!" - does that imply "since you're not pregnant"?  Yikes.  Poor Oldest Sister.  I wonder if they will try again?  I will aim to not let that question pop out.  IF anything, I am learning what sort of questions are very hurtful.  Three years ago I totally would have asked.

So it turns out 'taking a cycle off' doesn't magically work.

Not that I was really thinking it would work.... but every cycle I do have hope it *this* will be the time.  And so far, no dice.   It kept going through my heads that our friends that had been trying for 3 years got pg the cycle they say they threw out the LH test strips and didn't pay attention.
October was our month for that.  Here is my tip - that doesn't work.  Next!
(you have to laugh!  hahahah)

I knew AF was coming, I think.  I didn't 'feel' pg at all, none of those wacky symptoms I had after the IUI.   Our plan is still for an IUI in January.  I am feeling less and less like we'll ever had a baby... that is sort of a bummer.   DH is going to start heading up the adoption front, since I don't quite feel ready.  But really that means there will be no movement - its just not the sort of thing he gets around to.

Ok, here is my REAL tip for this post - stop eating peas.  I'm sure some peas now and then won't hurt, but if it is a staple in your diet - cut it out.  They have an anti-fertility compound in them.  They are even doing experiments with that anti-fertility compound and trying to make it into birth control.  If something can be used for birth control... I sure ain't eating it!

Love knocks and waits.

So although I am not keeping track, I believe AF is about 3 days away.

I'm starting to get a bit weepy.  I almost-cried in the shower, and two or three times at church today (although, Baptism today - not exactly a cake walk).  Sigh.  Since I don't feel pg at all, I almost just with AF would show up and spare me the next few days.  I have some progesterone-increasing herbs from Dr Nora, maybe those will keep me sane?  I only started them like yesterday, so this I am doubting.

Our November plan is just about figuring the whole doctor situation out.  Thanks for your comment JB and Maddie, I will look into whether or not I can see a Napro doc (ahem, fertility specialist) without losing my family doc.  I totally hate this kind of thing, so I'm putting it off as next month's 'plan'.  November is a super busy month anyway for me, so it will be nice not to have too much to do.  And  my Dr Love appt is in November.

Our RE I think is closed in December (since I believe they work 7 days a week the rest of the year - except that day I ovulated last cycle), so we're back to medicated IUI in January.  That's the plan, Stan.

I am already starting to worry/dread about my big New Years plans with my 22 best fertile friends.  Oh dear.  There will be 7 fertile couples there, and a bunch of wee little ones.  These are my friends - we are all of the same age and socioeconomic class, most of us got married around-ish the same time (within a few years).  And they all have nice babies that seemed relatively easy to grow.  It includes the Accidental as well.  I hope it hits NOT at the end of my cycle, or I may not do so well.  Even worse, DH isn't coming this year.  Thank goodness we have some single friends left.

Being the squeaky wheel

We had a visit to Dr Nora two nights ago, and I feel more confused than ever.  She was pissed that Dr A still did the IUI after I had ovulated. 

I fear navigating the Napro world from a logistical point of view will be tricky.  I can't leave my family doc, or I am leaving the practise - and my family doc is close by and nice, I don't want to leave her.   (Since Napro docs are family docs, if I go see them it is money out of my regular family doc's pocket [which means they'll get angry and drop me - I believe it is actually a penalty, not just lost revenue], since I signed up for this total care model - which is generally a good thing and ensure I'll see a doc within a day or so, but in this case... tricky).

So... who will ask for cycle monitoring then?  It gets confusing.  I guess I have to go to her and beg her to do these things that she will think my RE should be doing?  Ai ya.

Dr Nora recommended many more herbal tinctures to help with progesterone/estrogen/adrenal support, so we'll see how those help?  Or we won't see, because I won't have any cycle monitoring.  She recommended herbs for morphology/motility as well, which I have high hopes for.  At least DH is still giving samples every couple of months, we'll be able to see if those helped or not.  (While things are generally much better, morphology and motility could be better).

And DH wants to do a medicated IUI in January.   Which depending on CD1 timing, could end up being mostly-February.  And even if I do that, there will be no luteal phase support - it's up to me to make the pg stick, if I am so lucky to catch.  Or I can take some black-market progesterone, yo.

There is a slim chance Dr Nora can call my family doc and they will establish a report, but most docs I know think Naturopaths are witch doctors, and vice versa.  While I know the squeaky wheel gets the grease... it take so much time/energy to be that squeaky wheel!

I say "Mittel" you say "Schmirz". "Mittel"!

So even though we're 'taking this month off' - with this huge lady pain I am having today, it is pretty obvious I am probably ovulating today with all this Mittelschmirz.  Ouch ouch ouch!

Tonight my choir had the last practise before the big concert on Saturday, we were standing the whole time, and it was a wee bit unpleasant.  But fun.  I love my choir.  :)  I spent a lot of time talking with the other midwife in my section - I like her.  Maybe one day.... you know what I'm sayin'!

I am lately thinking I should start living my life properly, instead of just hanging out in this waiting game.  Doing more things at church...maybe even I will join some nutrition club or something.  We shall see.  This is partly a shift in thinking, and partly because I've had more energy lately.  Good.

I swear my shakiness was coming back, I swear it is because I stopped my chromium.  I ran out a couple of weeks ago.  I bought another bottle, and I'm back to ok.  Weird, right?  Maybe just coincidence  (I also got in a run on Monday).  Because I'm not planning on taking chromium longer than 6 months - which is ~ February.  We shall see.

IF Urban Legend

Ok, this was presented to me as fact, and I know someone who knows the someone this happened to... but it too crazy, too wonderful, to not be a movie plot.

Once upon a time there was an extremely wealthy couple who was IF.  To try and make a baby, they had 20 IVFs.  That is not a typo.  20.  After 20 failed IVFs, they decided to move to surrogacy.   Everything was going fine - but then at 8.5 months - the baby died.  Devastating.  Was it not meant to be?  The couple persevered, and started two more surrogacies at the same time after that.  One of the baby girls - born very early - for a while it didn't look good.  Were they never to have a baby?  But in the end, she was ok.  Other girl was born no problem.

So this IF couple was finally happy, they had their almost-twin girls, they resumed life.

And then a few years later....

Pregnant.  Naturally.  40 years old.  They weren't even trying.  Now they also have a healthy son!

And they lived happily ever after.

What?!!?
Amazing.
Wonderful.
Delightful.
Hopeful.

Friday night with FOGA ladies!

I had a lovely friday night out with the ladies from the fertility-yoga classes [herein known as FOGA] I took a few months ago.  It was nice to catch up and see where everyone was at (well, almost everyone - JB couldn't be there, and we were missing another as well).

Alas, no one that took the class has caught yet.  Poot.  Well, one lady was doing IVF embryo transfer yesterday, I have high hopes.  :)

I think we'll try to meet up every month or so - that will be really nice.  It's nice to socialize with peeps that know what you're going through, even though we're all at different stages and have different challenges.

We're still in our "off month" - I'm not keeping track of days or anything.  It still remains to be seen what is up for next month.  Another off month....perhaps a visit to begin Napro...or potentially a 2nd IUI.  My DH wants to take a break until January... I'm not so sure I want to wait that long.  We'll see.  This morning (at church) I was thinking I could wait until January (it's not like we're going to stop trying, we're just not going to obsess over it), but once the 2WW hits, I can become rather  unpredictable.

Anyhoo, tomorrow is for Turkey and toffee-pumpkin-cheesecake!  yum!  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!