Heartbeat.

5 weeks, 5 days

Short version:  We have a heartbeat.   Yay! (you can skip all the blah blah blah below)

Long version:

It being the day before my birthday, DH made me a lovely pre-birthday breakfast this morning, including freshly-squeezed juice and potato latkes!

So the day got off to a nice start.  We got to the RE's office promptly at 9:30am - holy lineup batman!  I've never waited there so long.  We didn't go in until like 10:45.

Then, despite having emptied my bladder twice, after getting all half naked and up on the fancy chair, I had to go empty it again.

All of this waiting and delay really made both of us quite nervous.  In the waiting room DH had been all super confident everything was going to be OK, but even he started to weaken.  Me, I don't like to tempt fate or count my chickens or any of that jazz.

Finally she started the ultrasound, and I could only see an empty sac.  This part was TERRIFYING.  I was freaking out inside.  Inside I was crying for my Appleseed.  The tech was saying nothing, just measuring.  My heart was breaking.

But then the doc came bustling in, showed us the yolk sac, and pointed out the embryo.  Our embryo!  He pointed out that the heart was beating, but said it was too faint to measure - either I ovulated a bit late, or we're in a few days too early to get a good heartbeat reading.

It was so weird.  Instead of that being great, we were both just like "Ok....?".

The doc said he was happy and we should come back in two weeks. 

I cried in the car on the way home, several times.  Something about it all has left me feeling like I've been through the wringer.  I was trying not to worry or stress about it, but when I saw what I thought was an empty sac.... I just freaked.  All sorts of terrible thoughts ran through my head.  I haven't been having too many pg symptoms, which was starting to slightly worry me, and I was thinking this would be due to there being no baby.

Isn't that ridiculous?  I should be dancing in the streets.  But I feel kind of delicate and sick and sad.  I guess I will blame this mood on pg hormones?

I'm so sorry ladies.  I expected to write an excited happy heartbeat post, but I'm still so sad.  I think my heart broke on that table, and it didn't instantly mend like I think it ought to.  I'm so thankful and so blessed this is actually happening, I can't quite understand why I'm not delirious with joy right now.