A bit of a freak out last night

So last night I had a bit of a freak out.  Am I doing the right thing here?!  All signs point to that I ovulate every month - how is forcing two eggs really changing anything?  <cue freakout, skip choir, why is this so hard?  etc.>

BUT.  With a night's sleep, I have some clarity.

What started me off a bit was Nurse Cheese yesterday - "Ok, you can begin timed intercourse tomorrow" in a chipper way after she took my blood.  Um, come again?  We've been having reseasonably timed BD for 2.5 years.  One extra follicle isn't going to cut it.  This is not the point of all this wanding and hot flashes.

And then Dr A chimes in, "I don't normally like to do IUI with only two follicles".   WTIF?!

For you see, this cycle is a crapshoot - but at least there is a point to it.  It has already been 7 months since DH's numbers are up.  I think it is safe to say we are no longer Male Factor. So something else is up.

I still haven't ruled out cervical issues.  We know I have a damaged cervix.  How well is this cervix working?!  You really can't say. So... IUI.  I do think I was pg for at least 3 days last time, but it didn't stick.  Just to at least be a little pregnant is a step in the right direction.

If it IS cervical issues, then more follicles is bad.  It really would lead to high order multiples.  Two follicles will be just fine, thank you.  Until this cycle fails miserably, I don't know that jamming many mature follicles in there is a good idea.

Or, it could be endo.  I am having more and more random lady pains.  The plan is clear - if this IUI doesn't work, my surgery is already scheduled.  I had nothing to do between now and then anyway, I think fitting in an IUI makes sense.  And then come March when I have the lap (if not pg), I will know for sure either way about the endo, so I can check that off the list.

I really feel like I am swimming upstream against the REs of the world here.  It is all well and good to say "You have to find out what is wrong with you", but it is easier said than done.  It is a philosophy I agree with (and always have, and have stated that several times), but when it comes down it it, I am not in charge of what tests get run and what experiments are done.  Even the lap I really had to push for.

To continue down the path of slightly crazy going it alone - I randomly came accross sperm antibodies as a potential IF cause.  The book recommended having protected BD (for at leasat 30 days) until the one ideal day, so the body wouldn't have time to create anti-bodies.  Well, that is easy enough.  So the only time this month DH and I will unprotected BD will be the IUI itself.  You could say we're 'all in'.

And one more thing - my EWCM day was yesterday.  My CM is pretty crappy in general - I swear the Napro method does not work for me, Dr Nora bawled me out over it and told me I'm doing it wrong, but it is true.  Anyway - I am using preseed until the IUI.  To keep the pH of the hoohaa less acidic, and create a better environment for the spermies.  I know I risk an infection to keep the pH lower for so long (hopefully IUI is today and it isn't so long!), but I think it is worth it.  Dr Nora is right, when REs ignore CM it is not good.


Even the timing of this is a bit stressful.  If I am not at work today it is sorta-bad, and I have to move a couple of meetings, and skip one I should be co-presenter in.  If that's the case, I'd like to give my boss a head's up and start in on moving those meetings, setting an out of office, etc.  [And what on earth do I say?  A doc appt 'just turned up all of a sudden'?]  And what about poor DH?  But what if RE says Saturday is the day?  Which I think it not a good plan, last time they were a day late - better a day early.


Yesterday's numbers:
CD13
Estrogen 1022 (and Nurse Cheese specifically told me they thing I have one egg, but I think that is BS.  I do think there might be some unit confusion here and this number is lower than you'd think in Imperial.  Maybe.)
LH 8.1 (not there yet)
Pro 3.5
FSH 3.2
Left: 21.7mm
Right:  21.5 mm, 10.7mm
Lining: ~10mm (good)

Why is this so hard?  I am continually scheming.  I don't think I have much more of this left in me.