Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas!

24 weeks, 6 days


I hope everyone is having a great Christmas!  I know this is a hard time of year.

Someone remarked to me last week how Christmas is a great time to be pregnant - and IMMEDIATELY my thoughts jumped to IF, of course.

I still feel like I don't quite deserve our little Appleseed.  I can think of several IF ladies who deserve their own Christmas miracles more.  But IF isn't about 'deserve'.  Sigh.

Every little kick I feel makes me happy.  But also makes me think of my IF sisters still waiting, every time.

(In good news, our cousin had her baby today!  You may remember she was also having trouble, and had IVF in Taiwan.  What a GREAT Christmas present!  I am really excited for them.)

Thoughts are with you today, ladies!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Booked Hypnobirthing!

24 weeks, 1 day

So I finally booked hypnobirthing!    Hooray!  I was so excited to do this.  Yes, even the booking of it I was excited for.  Now I'm excited for the class.

I've been intending to book hypnobirthing for ages now, and was getting a bit ansy that it wasn't happening.  I emailed/called the lady several times a few weeks ago, but no word back.  I tried again (through a different link) two days ago - bam, she replies right away and I just bought it online now (fancy, right? hhaha).

The classes are the ones I'd been hoping to take - right near Church (therefore close to my house - about 10 min walking), and on Sunday evening - so very convenient.  Classes mid week (prenatal classes) will be a huge hassle to get down in time for, with traffic and whatnot.

And more and more I'm like - what the heck am I thinking?  Home birth?  Can I do this without pain meds?

But yes, it might be possible - but I will CERTAINLY need some mind-body control that I don't have right now.

Hebrews, a good IRL friend of mine, and my midwife all swear by it.  Yay!

And I am NOT fantastic right now at calming my mind when it is racing - I am hoping this class will help me develop a skill to do just that (as well as making birthing easier).

Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Different strokes for different folks.

23 weeks, 5 days

I can't believe I am 6 months tomorrow.  I am just so happy.

Really - when I was having my super sad day when DH left, what cheered me up was looking at my baby registry online.  It was just fun to look at.  I just kept scrolling through it all afternoon.

Met up with some a pregger friend for dinner on Sunday.  Really I'm friends with the guy and his gf is pg (they are getting married next year).

I had a really hard time not judging them.  They are making very different choices than I.  That is fine.  Well, I keep saying that, but... I thought my choices out (I think) pretty thoroughly.  And I know we have different life experiences that bring us to these places, but...

But really, it IS fine.  And I'm pretty sure my plans will go out the window when an actual Appleseed has arrived.

This is just something I'm going to have to deal with forever - judging other parents is not cool.

So how to hold back?  Or is it just like jealousy and IF?  They go together, and you have to constantly focus to not let one overwhelm the other?

Or sometimes, I want to be like "have you heard about this other way?" - but that is sort of like telling someone their way sucks, and you are better.  It's all in the wording. 

I read too many books, I do.  And I have too many hippie (sorry, en vogue word is 'crunchy') mama friends.

I am already a terrible nutrition snob.  I will judge you if you drink pop, sure, but that's just the tip of the ice berg.

M'I bad.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Rad Advent Calender!

23 weeks, 1 day

So, you are guessing by now my DH is crafty, right?

And you know he's gone away for Christmas.

So he made his dear wife an advent calendar of course!

Like, cute x 1 million?  YES! See, it has all these little cubbies for presents!!

I'm not so good with eating chocolate every morning all of December, so we've been doing little presents/poems for the last few years.  (I get HANGRY too easily!  Hah!)

This year it is filled with fun things like teeny tiny little books, socks, etc.  So thoughtful!  It was a total surprise Dec 1st morning!  I LOVE it.  Totally fun to open - makes me feel loved even though he is so far away.

Sure, it is not really following actual Advent and all...

Love you, DH!  xxoo

Monday, December 10, 2012

Down in the Dumps

22 weeks, 5 days

First of all, I am thinking - "How can I be so sad today?  See above!  I am 22 weeks, 5 days!  Hooray!".  But sad I am still.

DH leaves tonight for the big Vietnam trip.  :(
I am going to miss him soooo much!

I do not want to go.  The reason I am not going is of course because we have a little Appleseed on board, which I am SO thankful for.  I prefer to have my little Appleseed a million times to taking a trip - even now looking through old Instra.gram photos I clearly separate them in my mind into before (look at me!  I don't know my wait is about to end!)/after Appleseed (look at me!  Secretly pg there!), I still can't believe our blessing to have her around! 

And it's not like I don't want him to go - it will be good family bonding for him, I would hate for him to miss out on such a great trip.  (Although, haha, it would have been good family bonding for me too - I like his sisters, I think travelling with them would be fun)

It's just that I will miss him like crazy.  He's going to be gone a month!  Oy vey.  He's such a wonderful DH.  I am really so very lucky.  But this makes it harder to not have him around!

We had our choir Christmas Cantata last night, and about halfway through I had to jet - I was staring to black out a bit.  Just too much standing, I guess.  Yikes.  But sitting down made me feel fine (well, a bit shaky still, but not blacking-out-ish).  DH was in the audience, so of course he came out and sat with me.  Ha - good thing my midwife was there too!  Not that I needed her, just that she was there to confirm everything was ok.  As did my other midwife buddy.

I felt sort of dizzy though the rest of the night/through the night - like in early pregnancy.  It is contributing to my sad mood, I think.  And the gloomy weather.

My Mom will come for a few days next week, then I'm off to my Dad's for a week, then the fun NYE for a few days, then my Aunt comes for a week....  but this week will be tough.  Not only am I DH-less, but I'm super busy.  Too busy.  I've been way too busy lately - that's how it is around the holidays.

And I know not everyone has found their DH yet, I am so lucky to have him at all.

But still... miss you already, DH!

Saturday, December 8, 2012

What a WONDERFUL IF Blogger community!

22 weeks, 3 days

Soon after I announced I was preggo, the lovely and talented JBTC soon emailed me and offered to lend me her fetal doppler.  This was shortly after she had experienced her own loss.

How amazing, right?  What a lovely community of IF bloggers we're all in - I was immensely touched by her gesture.  The fetal doppler package has now arrived - every day DH and I enjoy listening to our little Appleseed's whump-whump-whump.  It is so lovely and reassuring!

Don't worry, JBTC - we didn't have ultrasound gel around, but it seems to work fine with Aloe Gel (hey, also good for the skin!), so we're golden.

Much to my surprise, JBTC also included two adorable outfits for the Appleseed!  DH LOVES them - particularly the purple one with the cupcake!  Hah!  Cute!  AND, she also included a little Snuggle Blanket toy for the Appleseed - again, super cute!


I am crossing my fingers and hoping for everyone still waiting - I'm sure this fetal doppler will be off to a good home soon!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Baby Funeral

21 weeks, 6 days

So tonight DH and I attended a baby funeral.  Needless to say, it was quite emotional. 

DH's boss had twins 5 1/2 months ago, and one of them passed away last week.  He was born with a birth defect (heart), but I'm not sure of the exact details.  He underwent many surgeries - he was in a fantastic hospital, but in the end he succumbed.

Gosh, it was just so sad.  My jaw is still tight from trying to keep all the crying in.  That poor family!  And the Mom... it was heartbreaking.  Yes, the other twin is healthy, but it really hit me tonight just how sad it really is.  I couldn't go up and look at him in his little coffin.  I know that is wimpy... but the little baby was Asian, we're going to have an Asian-ish baby... it is just too close to home.

They played a slide show of pics of the baby with the family, and I just kept thinking - "I hope I never see Appleseed with tubes in her face" over and over.

My own bosslady's twins are also not healthy - well, one is, but the other one needs a big surgery.  Again, I'm unclear as to the details.  I do not believe it is life threatening at this point - thank goodness!

Remember when I thought it would be cute to have HOM?  Yeah, I take that back.  I'm so happy with my little singleton.

Rest in peace little baby.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

4th midwife visit!

21 weeks, 3 days

Hello hello!  Sorry I've been a little AWOL - it is hard to cram writing a novel into November - I just barely finished (had to take yesterday off work!).

I've been having some bleeding gums - boooo.  I did a little oil pulling yesterday - and it looks like I need to make flossing more of a priority.  But it's ok of course, whatever is best for the Appleseed!

Here is the update from my midwife appt on Monday!  As you can see, I'm running out of questions - can you think of any I should ask?

Me: Can i check my own cervix dilation? [Like, so I know when to call them at the start of labour, and I'm thinking - as IF ladies you check that thing all the time]
Marvelous Midwife: Sure, but have to be careful not to break membranes.  This takes sometimes a few years to teach midwifery students.

So it is kind of a bad idea.  Ok, at least I know!

MeBabies sometimes born not breathing - what its different between you and hospital?
MMNot much.  They can intibate babies born with merconium in their fliud if needed. 

But if I have merconium in my fluids we'll go to the hospital for sure so that's fine.  There is a list of things that if they go slightly wrong (like, say, group B strep), we'll go to the hospital fo' shizzle.

Me: What about lying on my back?  Can I do it?
MM:  MYTH!  You can totally do it!  That recommendation is based on bad science!  You would pass out from lack of blood before the baby would not get any.  And you wouldn't pass out - you'd turn.  Just not ok during labour.

I LOVE this.  I like sleeping on my back for like 5-10 min in the morning as I'm waking up.  And as I'm starting to get bigger, I was worrying I might be getting close to cutting the baby's blood supply off, so I was feel guilty.  HAH!  No more guilt!  I can lie on my back all I want - except during labour.  Fine.  Hoorah!  AND, it seemed like terrible design - like lying on your back is some secret you have to know, otherwise your baby will end up delayed?  Doesn't make sense.

Me: When should i go off for mat leave?   
MM:  Standard is 37 weeks.

This seems a bit early to me.  For the ladies out there that are lucky enough to have had babies already - when did you go off?  If I go off at 37 weeks and don't have the Appleseed until 40 weeks, that seems like a waste of mat leave?  She said she'd write me a note if I'm not feeling up to working right at the end.

Appleseed grows

Lilypie Maternity tickers