Thursday, December 29, 2011

Happy New Year's!

We are leaving tomorrow for our New Year's Eve ski trip with my University buddies.  Wish me luck!  I will have a former IF lady in attendence, but there still will be
  • a super cute 4 year old
  • 2 toddlers (one of whom will call me "Auntie CS" - how cute!)
  • 4 babies
  • 1 on the way (but this is to Boston, a former IF-er, so that's not too bad.  This one was a surprise for them, which is kinda hopeful - they had to do several IUIs for #1, now #2 is out of the blue!  She's going back from mat leave already preggo.)
Ai ya!  And an engaged couple who wants to have babies ASAP.  Whenever I hear that now, I think "if you are lucky!" in sort of a snarky way in my head.  But hopefully it stays in my head, and doesn't pop out of my mouth.

I have STILL been eating candies and chocolates like it is going out of style.  Which it is.  Come NYE, goodbye refined sugar!  I just found the dehyrated sugar cane I was looking for at the asian grocery store near my in-laws - it is asian and carribean and indian - it was in the carribean section I found what I was looking for.  It is totally true - the more sugar you eat, the more you crave it.  At least this panela (also called Rapadura) comes with some vitamins attached, instead of leeching the vitamins out of you.  We don't eat a lot of sweetened food anyhow, so I don't anticipate using it too often, besides for the root beer.  It's those darn chocolate bon bons on the coffee table that have been getting me the last few days!

I am hoping to make some root beer in the new year!  :)

Anyway, I hope everyone has a lovely ringing in of 2012!  We traditionally do it singing auld lyne syng accompanied by an accordian.  Fun, right?  Despite all the kiddos, it is really a nice vibe we have going on New Years - even when I was younger, I always preferred to spend NYE with good friends, and not out at a bar or club.

And you better believe I will be raising a glass of champagne for all you IF ladies!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Ow Ow Ow.

I feel like I'm in a lot of pain lately.

I just had a brutal period.  The worst I've ever had.

And my right boob did not stop being sore at the onset of my period like it was supposed to.  (sigh)  After some Dr Google, I think maybe it is a cyst or something?  It is annoying.  It hurts particularly when I sneeze/cough/laugh/lift my arms/hug/breathe very deeply.  I think I will call and book a dr appt today just to be sure.

So... maybe this dairy thing isn't working out for me so well.  Bah.  I love goat dairy.  But if my next period is even worse... it is too much.  I'll have to start taking pain medication (for now I live with the very painful cramps because I don't like taking things if I don't have to).  Or it is from all the crap I've been eating (yes, me!) due to the holidays!  I've been having sugar almost every day.  Well... ok, every day.  And bits of cow milk.

More on that later, we're off to my sis-in-law's for a buckwheat waffle fun Holiday breakfast!  :)

Monday, December 26, 2011

Prayer Buddy reveal and Christmas update

I was praying for The Surprise of Unfolding.  What a beautiful blog title.  She is not infertile, but a busy wife and Mom, that in itself was a lesson.

Christmas turned out to be pretty fun.  It was a bit stressful at times - while I love my Auntie dearly, she can be a bit particular and needs to have things 'just so', which can be trying.  In the end it was a lovely day, though.  We had two guests for dinner - a friend my Aunt had just met who was here from Switzerland and did not have anyone to share Christmas with, and a guy from my choir who also didn't have anyone to have to share Christmas dinner with.  I'm so glad we had the extra guests, it made it even more festive.  And I loved hearing about Switzerland!  (I am part Swiss)

It was a super fun meal, if a bit late (I should put the turkey in an hour earlier than it says on the package!  augh!) - but man, what a lot of cleanup!  There is a reason we only use the good dishes once or twice a year.  :)

I just want to REST today (did not sleep well last night), but we're having more friends over this evening - yikes!  It will be nice to see them though. And hopefully we'll go out for dinner, and then maybe beg off.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I might explode

CD31
Very very early spotting has started.  And I've never seen that to mean "Implantation Bleeding" - nope, this is it. 

I am all swear words and furious in my head.  And strangely quiet.  I can't sleep.

I don't want to do this anymore.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

One line

CD29
But my Boobs are SO sore!  They seem to be getting more sore not less.
Before I tested I was starting to think - "Maybe this is it?"
But no.  (Not yet?)

This is the trouble with early BFNs - it may just show your test isn't accurate enough.  Or it maybe be telling you to give up the good fight.

Onward.  Until I hit CD31 it won't be an IFMe record.
(But I was sorta hoping for a Christmas miracle)

Monday, December 19, 2011

Still waiting

CD28
Still no spotting.  It is grand.  But a quick review of IF Me history shows us that this has happened before - spotting began on CD31 one weird and wacky August cycle.

So unless I get to CD32, I should just hold my horses.

Ok, ok, easier said than done!  I may POAS tomorrow morning for fun.

Our little long weekend home was quite fun!  My Aunt and Uncle spoiled us with Christmas goods!  :)  We just bought a tree today - it smells lovely in here now!  :)

Sunday, December 18, 2011

CD27.
No spotting yet.

It is a little bit making me crazy.  Spotting should have been here Thursday.  Well, no, what is making me crazy is that my boobs are still sore - normally they ease off a bit.

But maybe they are a little bit less now?  It is really hard to say.

I am here in my hometown for early Christmas, so not much time to chat, sorry!  It has been a whirlwind.  :)

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Plans they are a-changin'

CD24

There is no pg coming this month from me.  AF should start to herald her arrival tomorrow-ish.  There are 0 signs of pg - I haven't even cried once, boobs are barely sore, nothing else is really out of shape (no mysterious heartburn, etc.)

SEE, this is our sixth month trying after DH's numbers are up.  If that was it, we'd be preggo by now, according to statistics.  I am back to suspecting CM.  Maybe.  Or endo.  Maybe.  Oh well, at least I'll be able to have a glass of wine when I'm home for Christmas this weekend.

I'm rather chill about all this.  I've been really chill for a while now.  I think it's the Vervain. Or you, prayer buddy?  Work is in total crisis right now - barely bothering me (made me late for choir, but I wasn't even ruffled).  We've just had a HUGE change to our Christmas plans - I'm cool with it.

My Auntie Em called to say Auntie D was no longer cool with Christmas being at her place (sugar bush!) in Quebec, so now Christmas is moved to our house, and Auntie D is out.  Oh well.  We'll probably have a nicer time here anyhow, and I am not sad to wish the 10 hours of driving in the car goodbye!


I was sitting at choir practise thinking tonight - you know, if I had a baby last year, we probably would never have joind this church.  And I quite like it.  So maybe... it wasn't all for the worst.  (Although I still think in our first year of marriage I would have made the best new mother).  This new more positive/chill me is interesting.  I like her.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Just checking in

CD21
I have been SO TIRED today!  It is like I have been in a fog all day!  After dinner we are going to walk to the library then I am going TO BED!  Blargh.  Of course, my thoughts turn to pg... but I've been fooled before, so I'm going to try and keep my head on straight.

I got 2 pg announcements today.
  1. Friend of DH's.  Last of one of his circle of friends to not have a kid, besides us (of course).  Perhaps they had been trying for a while...?  Quite possible.
  2. A coworker ('s wife).  I think they also may have been trying for a while - but in their case I suspect 'a while' was maybe more like 6 months?  You never can tell though, maybe it was longer.
But neither is really bothering me. Which is good.  Which is also a little scary, because I feel sort of removed from it all.  I met up with The Accident and my NYE buddy on Friday, and niether had their kids and neither talked about their kids at all.  NICE.  :)  It was very enjoyable.  I'm slowly turning into a kid-hater... :(

I did get to see Jelly Belly on the weekend!  Just the two of us for lunch - very fun!  (vegan, raw, of course - yum).  And I got to see her cute house (she lives near some friends of ours - small world!).  :)

We had a really great choir concert last night (and then choir Christmas party!  fun!).  A mass choir with several different denominations - now THAT was a resounding Hallelujah chorus alright!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Falling out of love with...

...Dr Nora.

I had another Dr Nora appt last night.  I do not think it was very productive.  It is quite expensive to go there for such appointments.

A lot of the time was spent lecturing me about Napro.  Yes, I know, it is better, great, more natural - but what my husband and I have decided it to do another IUI in January.  So nagging at me just is frustrating.  I calmly said many times, that No, I am not going to see another doc before then.  This is what we have decided is right for us next.  I now look back and realized how much money I paid to just go around in a circle with her about this for part of the appointment.

For really, every new doc/avenue of discovery is stressful and takes up lots of time.  I do not want to be monitored before January.  Dr Nora also suggested she refer me to a doc in Farawaysville - no way!  Maybe in another year Farawaysville would be on the table, but for right now, it is out of the question.  No way am I traveling over an hour away (several suburbs out of town) for another doc.

And it isn't just up to me.  DH is not wanting to go to another doc either.  At this point I would really have to drag him.  Maybe next year if things are still not working?  After the lap?  But for now it isn't what is best for us.

For I have this feeling, however much it may be unfounded, that our IUI is going to Work.  And that is what I'm going with for now.  I do not think this cycle is going to work, nor do I think the next one will.  My money (literally!  hah!) is on the January IUI.  Prayer buddy - please pray for that one!  (Oh no!  Am I jinxing it now by such talk?!)

Dr Nora and I also discussed my bad skin, since I think it is my body telling me something I'd like to decode, and fix.  She said she'd have to go away and think about it - which is fine, but that's what she said last time, and the time before.  Then she started saying how it was probably because I had high progesterone in my follicular phase, but I do not - and I have already emailed her that cycle of monitoring (which she lost, and asked me to resend). 

Ugh.  As I become less baby-crazy than I was, I have less tolerance for all this.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Ketchup and Liebster Blog Award!

I just wrote this up in an email to a friend, and I thought - why not share with my blogsisters?  Sugar is bad for you - it leeches nutriets from you when you eat - not good for the infertile gal.  And high fructose corn syrup is even worse!
So here is a FANTASTIC Ketchup recipe.  Enjoy!
_____________________________________________

First, you must listen to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFzyYYZsxGc
(I am pretty sure they are singing about the healthfulness of fermented goods, and how they aid digestion, and how ketchup used to be good for you instead of bad for you, right?  The chorus is "give us back lactofermentation!" in spanish, I'm told.)

Here is recipe, directly from nourishing traditons: (recommend it highly)

3C canned tomato paste, organic
1/4C whey
1T sea salt
1/2C maple syrup
1/4t cayenne pepper
3 cloves garlic, mased/peeled
1/2C fish sauce
(I used a 369mL can of tomato paste, so I halved all the ingredients, except garlic.)

Mix ingredients until well blended.  Place in a mason jar (top of ketchup should be at least 1" below mouth).  Leave at room temp for 2 days, then transfer to refridgerator.
DONE!
SUPER EASY!
It really is the best thing ever.  Waaay better than H.einz.  So flavourful.  I just realized not most non-Asian households don't necessarily have fish sauce lying around - don't be daunted, run out to the Chinese grocery store and get some.  It does not make the Ketchup taste fishy, the overall effect is wonderfulness.

Oh, also, you can't use whey protein isolate or anything like that, you should use the real deal.
If you don' tknow how to get whey, here it is, easy and fun!

Take some yoghurt (unsweetend, with live cultures), and put it in a clean dishtowel and let it drip for 24hours at room temp (I tie the dishtowel to a wooden spoon, and put it in a glass pitcher).  You will be left with a cream-cheese like substance in the towel and the whey is your drippings!  Fun!  (This is how I make goat cream cheese!  yum!)  It is also a by-product when you make your own cottage cheese.

Extra whey can be saved in the fridge for 6 months and can be used to ferment all sorts of nice things.

_________________________________

And most excitingly - I got a Liebster Blog award!  As soon as I saw it (on JBTC), I was hoping to get one!  Firstly, because I love IF blogging, and secondly, because I have a tiny crush on German (the language - we saw each other in high school for a while, but nothing ever came of it)



I was the lucky recipient of a Liebster Blog Award from Frustated Musings of a Seemingly Calm Gal. Thank you, JB!  :)

The Liebster Award spotlights up and coming bloggers with fewer than 200 followers.  In return for the award, the recipient bestows the award on five of their favourite bloggers.  
 
In no particular order (sorry if you've already got one!)
 
  1. St Rita's Roses (sorry, she is private)
  2. The 2 Week Wait (what can I say, she cracks me up!)
  3. Learning to Swim in a Sea of Baby Bumps (started the IF group in TO I love going to!)

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

3rd + 2x H/L/T

CD8
 
I am on the third in a string of colds.  Like, WTIF!  My Dad says people that get string colds either have poor hygiene or poor immune systems.  Since I have not changed my hygeniene, it means my immune system is low.  What the heck!  Ok, more working out for me.

And this third one has been a doozy - fever yesterday (had to leave work, I was in a bad way), and a little today (did not go in today, stayed on the bed/couch all day).  I don't know about y'all, but a fever (it was < 39'C, so not serious) I find so painful!  My skin hurts like crazy, particularly if it gets anything approaching cold.

But here is what I am finding annoying - I've been crying at the drop of a hat.  WTIF!  This doesn't normally happen in my follicular phase, maybe towards the end of luteal phase.  Can a cold/flu cause you to weep?  I was watching some silly law show on tv this afternoon, and someone said "in the best interest of the children" and I had like projectile tears leap to my eyes.  I cried at least a minute.  THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT A CHIMPANZEE.  Seriously.  (roll of my eyes).  It isn't like I'm happy or sad, I just can't stop crying.  So weird.

Anyway, new prayer buddy, I welcome you aboard the cruise ship IF ME, please pray for me to stop having random crying jags?

I can't go into work like this.  I am a total disaster.  The crying is over the top, never mind the disgusting nose/cough thing.  TMI, the cough has progressed to the almost-but-not-quite throwing up stage, because I am coughing so hard.  What a joy.

I think I will do a double High Low Thankful for today, I can't fit it all in a single.

Highs
  • I won Nanowrimo!  (as you can see by the sidebar at the left).  Phew!  It was tight this year!  Thank you Feather, it was nice working with you!  :)  (We companion novelled)
  • E is preggers!!!  NATURALLY!  On only 3 months of taking inositol to help her PCOS!  (vitamin)  Super awesome.  [And we are talking a lady here who hasn't had a period in years - not an easy case!]  Looking forward to seeing her and the rest of the TO IF gals in January!
Lows
  • A girl I went to school with had a baby last week, and it was diagnosed with a genetic kidney disease.  She may not live past one, and will need a transplant when she is two.  Pray for baby Dylan.
  • Ok, I don't really think I have a second low.  Something to do with this sickness, probably.  All the gory bits are already up above.
Thankfuls
  • To the person who invented adding lotion to Kleenex - you have my sincerest thanks!  I am now out of the fancy Kleenex until DH gets home, my raw nose certainly thanks you.
  • Despite warning me to wear a warmer jacket and saying he wouldn't take care of me if I got sick again, my DH has done just that.  He took excellent care of me yesterday - and today he made me a pot of homemade turkey soup before he left for work, so I just had to heat it up all day.  And this is embarrassing, but he actually had to spoon feed me (homemade) broth yesterday during my low point.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

I am not alone on NYE!

Ladies, I feel SO wonderful today.  Misery loves company is a total understatement when it comes to IF, I think.

Last night was our first Christmas party of the season.  It is our traditional party with my university friends - the same group of people that will be on our traditional New Year's Eve ski trip.   The same group of friends were everyone but us has one or two kids already - except for the engaged couple, who have babies in their eyes.

This year the Chirstmas party was mayham - it seemed like there were a million kids underfoot.  Cute and everything, but... it sort of almost made me glad I didn't have one.  (At this party there are more people than will be at ski trip - there were like 60 people).

So at one point I'm talking to a friend's wife (and I have at the point suspect maybe they tried a bit for their kid - like 6 months), and she tells me she's pg with their second.  I say congrats and all that (meanwhile thinking - ah, life is so easy for you) - it doesn't even bother me anymore.  Especially the second kid (unless you're 18) - good for you, grow your family, that is nice.  BUT THEN SHE SAYS - "Yeah, this one was a surprise, especially after how hard it was to have the first one."

And it turns out they had to do like 4 or 5 medicated (with injectibles! serious stuff!) IUIs!  An IF sister!  Right in my own group!  Loooooove it.  Isn't that terrible of me?  I should be sad for them - but they have a beautiful baby boy now, so I am just so happy to have someone in my corner on NYE, if need be!  So then I told her we were having trouble, and we'd already done an IUI, and we'll be doing another one in January... all so easy.  It was a quick but amazing conversation. 

And as always when you tell someone, I feel a million pounds lighter today.

AND, she's like super healthy seeming to me - I love another case of IF when there are no outward signs, which I think we are like.  She has run the Boston marathon for pete's sake!  I guess I will call her/them codeword Boston from now on.  :)

Boston stole our baby boy's name (the only one we could agree on).  But they worked hard for it.  Isn't that ironic a bit?

Something else a little shocking - she said their first six months she was at a clinic in the States (logistical reasons), and they gave her Cl.omid without ANY cycle monitoring!  WTIF!  Shocking.

Advent prayers buddies are assigned today - looking forward to it!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Dr Love recap - Lap scheduled

Gosh, I just don't know how I feel about how this appointment went!

Dr Love felt around for endo, did a vajay ultrasound, and concluded:  He didn't know if I had endo.  He did not want to say one way or the other if I should have a laproscopy, he said he wanted it to be up to me.

Well, I don't know!

He also said I likely would have stage I or II.  And he said couples with stage I or II that have surgery only have a 1 in 6 improvement on their odds of conceiving strictly due to surgery.  Which is about as clear as mud.

Then I sort of freaked as I was leaving, because I prodded the nurse, and she said I could schedule feb-march if I scheduled now, but if I wanted to wait, I would have to come for another appt (end of Dec), and then they'd be scheduling April.

So I said I wanted one.  March 21st.  It is scheduled.  Unless, (miralce of miracles) I do get pg before then, oviously it is off.  Given that we have IUI#2 plans for January, if that doesn't take, then the lap might be a good thing to check off the list after that.  Then I could do IUI #3 in like May/June timeframe, to allow for some healing.  Gosh, look at me go deep into next year!  Ai ya.

He thinks I shouldn't be eating meat.  I explained how that is contrary to the Weston J. Pr.ice people, and he nodded and sort of said I should go with what makes me feel healthy, in the end.  But this conversation sort of circled around several times.  And he recommended meditation.  Which is not a bad idea.  Work stress has been creeping up again.

DH thinks the surgury is a waste of public funds.  Maybe it is - I just don't know.  I wanted to put the endo question to rest, but of course, you can't without a lap.  At least he said that, and not the straight off "No" that other docs have said, even though that's not true.  So I do feel bad about maybe wasting public money... and certainly if I do a surgery and have to be cut open and heal all for no reason, that is stupid and painful.... thoughts, ladies?

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Dr. Love tomorrow!

My Dr Love appt is tomorrow - I have been putting it off for a long time.  I am also slightly afraid of what it will be like, I've gotten very mixed reviews.  And I do not agree with the macrobiotic diet principles, due to my current adherence to the Nourishing Traditions (Dr Weston A Price) style of nutrition.

I want to put the endo question to rest.  Might I have it?  So far my RE and my family doc say "No".  But the Internet says anyone can have it, you have to do a lap to find out.  

If I do have endo, I want to get it dealt with - not wait a few years to figure out if I have it or not.  And if Dr Love says "No", I will drop the whole thing.  Like, if he wants to do a lap, it will take a few months to schedule... and if IUI#2 works, we can cancel the whole thing.  If it doesn't, this is another route to investigate.

Given that today is CD2 and I am quite ouchy.... I dunno.... well see what he says.  But gosh I hate going to new doctors.

I realized we won't be able to do our IUI #2 until mid January... and that is sort of a bummer.  I have to muscle through (emotionally) 2 more cycles before, not just 1.  Bah.  We talked a little bit about maybe calling Dr A today to kick IUI #2 off this cycle, but we decided it was too hasty.  It sounds silly, but somehow I was thinking (without looking at the calendar) we'll come back from the fertile-new-years, and BAMM we'll do our IUI.  Not so much.  It's only a two week delay, but its an extra period.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

The tricky day

Despite my confident assertions of two days ago, my boobs are not less sore, and I have not started spotting.  Yet.

Which means today is that tricky day.  Hope starts to rear it's head.  Every trip to the bathroom becomes a big deal - has spotting started yet??  I continually check my poor boobs.  "Wouldn't it be grand?" type of thoughts start to invade... yet you try to impose your logical "Look at the stats, survey says No" thoughts overtop of those pesky hopeful thoughts....

These are the most confusing of days.
We all have them.

(sigh)

I will use this time to research more important things.  Like why my bread keeps collapsing in the middle!  (I am freshly milling our grains and then soaking them 24hr to neutralise the phytic acid - most healthful bread, ever.)

And catch up on my November Novel.  As you can see from the sidebar, I am still behind, despite the adventure of ~5k words last night with Feather.  We we up to almost 5am!  5am!  Wow.  Like I am a teenager again.  I am so impressed we stayed up.  That was fun.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Same old same old.

It is CD24, and same old same old.
Boobs hurt today - where are you ChasteTreeberry?  You are supposed help with that!

Sort of a drag.  My skin is exploding, but that is the only unusual thing going on.  (Again, Chaste Tree Berry, you were supposed to be helping with this!).

Prediction - CD25 (aka, tomorrow), boobs will hurt less, spotting may begin tomorrow or the next day.  Draaag.  At least Feather is here for the weekend, we have all sorts of fun events planned!  :)

I have an appt with Dr Love coming up next week. I am sort of scared about it.  I have heard very mixed reviews, to say the least.  But I want to put this do-i-or-don't-i have endo thing to rest.

I  have the end of a cold still  (terrible wracking coughs - so attractive!  hah!).  I find it suspicious that I only tend to get sick at the end of my luteal phase.   Well, Internet says that can be an early pg sign... but I just don't think so.  I think it is suspicious.   After the IUI I had tons of those Internet forum signs - again I think this one will be a no-go.

On to December and the NYE fertile fest....

Monday, November 14, 2011

Post-peak herbs

Dr Nora has me taking the following herbs post-peak, in a tincture, and I thought I really ought to look up what the heck they are really doing/for!  I wouldn't fill a prescription from a doctor without looking it up!

Cha.ste Tree Berry, will potentially help with my 'sore boobs' issues [which is apparently called Mastalgia - I suppose that sounds a wee bit more scientific than 'sore boobs'].  It is also supposed to help with luteal phase defect.  It is supposed to help balance estrogen/progesterone, in favour of progesterone.  Good for peeps with PCOS, so they say.  Also, it is good for acne.  Have I mentioned my skin has been better lately?  I thought it was because I am becoming re-tolerant of some dairy products, but maybe good ol' Chas.te Tree Berry is helping out?!  That would be great.  I didn't get my 'period pimple' last cycle, but that might be just a one off, we'll see.

The other part of this post peak or luteal phase tincture (it is 50%/50%)  is Vervain.  It is used to repel vampires - d'oh!  And I had planned on seeing B.reaking Dawn this weekend.  :(  I found on the Internet that it is a " muscle stabilizer and mood relaxant" - well, that doesn't seem worth the money, does it?  Hippocrates used it for infertility...hrm, I would prefer to know more than that!  It seems it can cause some uterine contrantractions?  That is dissapointing.  I've had some very minor cramping yesterday and today, and I was enjoying that - they say minor cramping is a good sign.  (I read it in a blog somewhere, so maybe not super scientific).  Yeah... I'm not sold on Vervain, but I'm down with the Chast.e Tree Berry!  I will have to talk to Dr Nora about this.

It is CD20 today - about a week left until we know how this natural cycle went!  Now that my slight cramps are maybe caused by Vervain, I have nothing to report in the way or symptoms.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

State of the Union II

State of the Union  - November 2011 edition.

Here is a review of the things we are/arn't doing for fertility.  I first did this in Feb 2011, let's see how much it has changed...wow, it has changed a TON.  I have practically given up all my tomfoolery.  We've moved into 'hoping things just work out' while waiting for IUI #2.  I guess it has been that I was so so so careful for so many months, and either way it is dissapointment, so I've moved to just rolling with it.
 
Details if you are interested:
  • Plenty of sleep every night.  I rarely wake up still tired.  [Still on - well, November is hard with Nanowrimo, but in general, yes]
  • Trying to get daily exercise. (Sit on the spin bike while I watch American Idol, it is true) [Nope - have been totally flaking on exercise lately]
  • pH diet (sort of) - my pH does seem to be moving!  All those dandelion greens/kale/mineral water was worth it after all! [Stopped.  I am now into "Nourishing Traditions" type of eating.]
  • Acupuncture once a week with Dr. T [Stopped.  Did not work.]
  • Chinese herbs twice a day [Stopped.  Made things worse.]
  • Fish Oil pills usually daily (incl. Cod Liver Oil since we're in Vitamin D winter for a while still)  [Sometimes]
  • Preggo vit... about 4/7 days a week (I keep them at work to have after lunch - I cannot have a vitamin in the morning, I will literally throw up.  My Dad is like this too.) [Stopped.  Dr Nora doesn't like multi-vits, and I haven't really gotten around to buying more...]
  • Read IF blogs like it's going out of style (love them/you all! my fav. hobby!) [Still keeping up, but I'm not as obsessed as I was]
  • Pineapple core at ~7DPO [Stopped.  This didn't work.] 
  • Oysters several days leading up to ovulation, to ensure DH's man juice is up to snuff (um, and it is yummmmmy) [Not really anymore... should get back to eating mroe oysters, they are yummy and full of zinc]
  • Track all fertility signs on a new improved fancy excel spreadsheet - CM, cervical position/feeling, BBT, etc.  [Stopped.  Too much work, no one to care now anyway, since I don't go to acupuncture anymore.] 
  • Use those lovely (cheap) tests strips to check when LH surge is - I now have tons of them, I love testing things, don't know why I wasn't doing this before - oh, right, because if you buy them at the drugstore they are hella expensive... [Stopped.  Although I often think of buying more...]
  • Test the pH of my fertile CM - it still fails to make the grade (but I have high hopes for next months) [Stopped.  No longer care.]
  • Cut way down on decaf coffee/decaf black tea  [Stopped.  During Nov I am drinking decaf coffee with goat milk almost every day] 
  • Limiting wheat - not necessarily all gluten, just wheat for now [Stopped.  Now I am grinding my own flour and soaking it overnight to help with enzymes]
  • Cutting down on my dear goat milk (cow milk is OUT - I can't tolerate it) [Stopped.  Love goat milk.  Ramping up.]
  • Check out my tongue to see pinkness instead of redness [I still do this.  After IUI #1 it was crazy and cracked, but it is mostly healed from that.  Now I am more concered with cracking than colour, come to think of it.]
  • Use lots preseed during BD to help with pH [Stopped.  Only use occasionally now.]
  • Keep my knees up in the air for like 1.5hrs when we BD after LH surge [Ok, yes, for the most likely time during a cycle]
  • Still take really hot showers, and haven't as yet taken pre/post shower temp to see if my temp goes up too much.  [Now that it is cold out, I'm back to these scorching showers, and I love them.]
  • Have been transferred to a new RE, hopefully will have an appt set up soon [Still witth that RE]
  • DH is seeing a specialist just in case, had another sample taken [DH has had surgery, numbers improved, and plateau'd]
  • Taking daily herbal tinctures for adrenal support, follicular/luteal phase support.
  • Daily chormium, vitamin C with bioflavinoids, vitamin B complex
  • DH takes daily vitamin C with bioflavinoids, vitamin B complex, zinc, copper, selenium

Things I/we don't do:
  • Rush.  If you recall, I gave it up.  [I still do try this, but lately haven't been as good as I would like.] 
  • No caffeine for me - not even chocolate (or maybe just a tiny bit once in a while) [Still on.]
  • Barely any booze - maybe one glass of wine per week, if that.  Alcohol does seem to affect me negatively (I notice I'm more cotton-headed the next day), so this is potentially a very good thing to give it up for a while.  Likely I will imbibe while on vacation.  [LOL.  I have alcohol once in a while still.] 
  • DH no longer rides a bike - just in case.  This is too bad, since we have a spin bike in the basement, really only I can use it right now. [Still on]
  • No high fru.ctose corn syrup (or "corn sugar" as it will be rebranded soon) [Still on]
  • No aspartame (DH sorely misses his C.oke 0! As do I on occasion.  Um.. and it made my vision blurry sometimes.  Probably not good - my vision is already incredibly terrible.)   [Still on]
  • No snuggling with DH in the morning until after BBT - sucks, right? [I don't BBT anymore, so this is stopped.]
  • No baths.  I haven't had a bath since before we were married.  Too bad, I love a good bath.  Even though we are going to Taiwan where there are like 149 different hot springs, I doubt I will go in.  Worried about heating up my lady bits too much.  BUMMER.  [I had one or two baths since...not too hot though.  Stopped.
It is CD18, so I have a few more days of sanity left.  Then here's to hoping, but not expecting to be expecting....

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Busy!

Sorry, Nov is super busy for me, no time to IF blog lately.  I am doing NaNoWriMo - as you can see in the sidebar.  Lots and lots to write!

Today is CD16, so surely more soon!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

My cousin's 18 year old is pg with her second kid.

For real.
Just saw it on Facebook.

Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.

It occurred to me the other day - I hope to someday have grandchildren (as much as this seems a pipe dream right now).  But my cousin (who is like 36) already has a grandchild (ahem, apparently second one on the way).  So theoretically, while I hope to one day have grandchildren, she will likely have great-great-grandchildren.

For real.

WTIF!
(Does the bolding and large red font get across my whiny anger?)


Sigh.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

..and some bad news..

Oldest sister lost her baby.  That is very sad.  She had to call up DH to tell him, since we're going to see them at a wedding next weekend.  What a rough phone call to make, eh?  If I ever do get pg, I don't know how I will keep the news to myself for three months - but the alternative of the un-pg conversations... very rough.  Poor Oldest Sister.

I know she had a tough pregnancy from a morning-sickness point of view, so... I don't know why, but that makes it seem extra bad?  This is one of those times I want to know all about it, but probably won't say more than "we're sorry for your loss".  Particularly since (it seems to me) Chinese people aren't really open about death, it is more of a private thing.

I'm 100% sure she's going to be looking fabulous - she's very fashionable, and I don't think she would have gained any weight.  But saying "you look fabulous!" - does that imply "since you're not pregnant"?  Yikes.  Poor Oldest Sister.  I wonder if they will try again?  I will aim to not let that question pop out.  IF anything, I am learning what sort of questions are very hurtful.  Three years ago I totally would have asked.

So it turns out 'taking a cycle off' doesn't magically work.

Not that I was really thinking it would work.... but every cycle I do have hope it *this* will be the time.  And so far, no dice.   It kept going through my heads that our friends that had been trying for 3 years got pg the cycle they say they threw out the LH test strips and didn't pay attention.
October was our month for that.  Here is my tip - that doesn't work.  Next!
(you have to laugh!  hahahah)

I knew AF was coming, I think.  I didn't 'feel' pg at all, none of those wacky symptoms I had after the IUI.   Our plan is still for an IUI in January.  I am feeling less and less like we'll ever had a baby... that is sort of a bummer.   DH is going to start heading up the adoption front, since I don't quite feel ready.  But really that means there will be no movement - its just not the sort of thing he gets around to.

Ok, here is my REAL tip for this post - stop eating peas.  I'm sure some peas now and then won't hurt, but if it is a staple in your diet - cut it out.  They have an anti-fertility compound in them.  They are even doing experiments with that anti-fertility compound and trying to make it into birth control.  If something can be used for birth control... I sure ain't eating it!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Love knocks and waits.

So although I am not keeping track, I believe AF is about 3 days away.

I'm starting to get a bit weepy.  I almost-cried in the shower, and two or three times at church today (although, Baptism today - not exactly a cake walk).  Sigh.  Since I don't feel pg at all, I almost just with AF would show up and spare me the next few days.  I have some progesterone-increasing herbs from Dr Nora, maybe those will keep me sane?  I only started them like yesterday, so this I am doubting.

Our November plan is just about figuring the whole doctor situation out.  Thanks for your comment JB and Maddie, I will look into whether or not I can see a Napro doc (ahem, fertility specialist) without losing my family doc.  I totally hate this kind of thing, so I'm putting it off as next month's 'plan'.  November is a super busy month anyway for me, so it will be nice not to have too much to do.  And  my Dr Love appt is in November.

Our RE I think is closed in December (since I believe they work 7 days a week the rest of the year - except that day I ovulated last cycle), so we're back to medicated IUI in January.  That's the plan, Stan.

I am already starting to worry/dread about my big New Years plans with my 22 best fertile friends.  Oh dear.  There will be 7 fertile couples there, and a bunch of wee little ones.  These are my friends - we are all of the same age and socioeconomic class, most of us got married around-ish the same time (within a few years).  And they all have nice babies that seemed relatively easy to grow.  It includes the Accidental as well.  I hope it hits NOT at the end of my cycle, or I may not do so well.  Even worse, DH isn't coming this year.  Thank goodness we have some single friends left.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Being the squeaky wheel

We had a visit to Dr Nora two nights ago, and I feel more confused than ever.  She was pissed that Dr A still did the IUI after I had ovulated. 

I fear navigating the Napro world from a logistical point of view will be tricky.  I can't leave my family doc, or I am leaving the practise - and my family doc is close by and nice, I don't want to leave her.   (Since Napro docs are family docs, if I go see them it is money out of my regular family doc's pocket [which means they'll get angry and drop me - I believe it is actually a penalty, not just lost revenue], since I signed up for this total care model - which is generally a good thing and ensure I'll see a doc within a day or so, but in this case... tricky).

So... who will ask for cycle monitoring then?  It gets confusing.  I guess I have to go to her and beg her to do these things that she will think my RE should be doing?  Ai ya.

Dr Nora recommended many more herbal tinctures to help with progesterone/estrogen/adrenal support, so we'll see how those help?  Or we won't see, because I won't have any cycle monitoring.  She recommended herbs for morphology/motility as well, which I have high hopes for.  At least DH is still giving samples every couple of months, we'll be able to see if those helped or not.  (While things are generally much better, morphology and motility could be better).

And DH wants to do a medicated IUI in January.   Which depending on CD1 timing, could end up being mostly-February.  And even if I do that, there will be no luteal phase support - it's up to me to make the pg stick, if I am so lucky to catch.  Or I can take some black-market progesterone, yo.

There is a slim chance Dr Nora can call my family doc and they will establish a report, but most docs I know think Naturopaths are witch doctors, and vice versa.  While I know the squeaky wheel gets the grease... it take so much time/energy to be that squeaky wheel!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I say "Mittel" you say "Schmirz". "Mittel"!

So even though we're 'taking this month off' - with this huge lady pain I am having today, it is pretty obvious I am probably ovulating today with all this Mittelschmirz.  Ouch ouch ouch!

Tonight my choir had the last practise before the big concert on Saturday, we were standing the whole time, and it was a wee bit unpleasant.  But fun.  I love my choir.  :)  I spent a lot of time talking with the other midwife in my section - I like her.  Maybe one day.... you know what I'm sayin'!

I am lately thinking I should start living my life properly, instead of just hanging out in this waiting game.  Doing more things at church...maybe even I will join some nutrition club or something.  We shall see.  This is partly a shift in thinking, and partly because I've had more energy lately.  Good.

I swear my shakiness was coming back, I swear it is because I stopped my chromium.  I ran out a couple of weeks ago.  I bought another bottle, and I'm back to ok.  Weird, right?  Maybe just coincidence  (I also got in a run on Monday).  Because I'm not planning on taking chromium longer than 6 months - which is ~ February.  We shall see.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

IF Urban Legend

Ok, this was presented to me as fact, and I know someone who knows the someone this happened to... but it too crazy, too wonderful, to not be a movie plot.

Once upon a time there was an extremely wealthy couple who was IF.  To try and make a baby, they had 20 IVFs.  That is not a typo.  20.  After 20 failed IVFs, they decided to move to surrogacy.   Everything was going fine - but then at 8.5 months - the baby died.  Devastating.  Was it not meant to be?  The couple persevered, and started two more surrogacies at the same time after that.  One of the baby girls - born very early - for a while it didn't look good.  Were they never to have a baby?  But in the end, she was ok.  Other girl was born no problem.

So this IF couple was finally happy, they had their almost-twin girls, they resumed life.

And then a few years later....

Pregnant.  Naturally.  40 years old.  They weren't even trying.  Now they also have a healthy son!

And they lived happily ever after.

What?!!?
Amazing.
Wonderful.
Delightful.
Hopeful.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Friday night with FOGA ladies!

I had a lovely friday night out with the ladies from the fertility-yoga classes [herein known as FOGA] I took a few months ago.  It was nice to catch up and see where everyone was at (well, almost everyone - JB couldn't be there, and we were missing another as well).

Alas, no one that took the class has caught yet.  Poot.  Well, one lady was doing IVF embryo transfer yesterday, I have high hopes.  :)

I think we'll try to meet up every month or so - that will be really nice.  It's nice to socialize with peeps that know what you're going through, even though we're all at different stages and have different challenges.

We're still in our "off month" - I'm not keeping track of days or anything.  It still remains to be seen what is up for next month.  Another off month....perhaps a visit to begin Napro...or potentially a 2nd IUI.  My DH wants to take a break until January... I'm not so sure I want to wait that long.  We'll see.  This morning (at church) I was thinking I could wait until January (it's not like we're going to stop trying, we're just not going to obsess over it), but once the 2WW hits, I can become rather  unpredictable.

Anyhoo, tomorrow is for Turkey and toffee-pumpkin-cheesecake!  yum!  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

So here's my take on this whole she-bang:

CD1.

All preggo signs have ceased.  No more heartburn, no more crying or drama, no more tiredness.  (Yesterday I finally woke up and realized I have such a nice DH, to try and look on the bright side - aka, my mood got better.  The days before those thoughts just didn't hold water, all I could think was "boohoo".)  BUT, here is my crazy-talk for today:

(warning TMI coming)

I think I was preggo for like 2-3 days, and then it was done.  Today there was a huge gross red "tissue like" mass when I wiped today.  I have never seen such a thing.  Like, huge.  Like 1/3 or 1/4 of a golf ball.  (Sorry.  I warned you.)

Either:
  1. Sperm was no good
  2. Egg was no good
  3. Embryo was no good
  4. Environment was no good
I am betting on #4.  Sigh.   What's the deal, yo?

So.... either I needed maybe progesterone or something else and didn't get it (or it got something it didn't want - infection?), environment was unsuitable, bye bye baby.  In which case I should go see a Napro doc.  (Or the magic of endo - yes, as I am here with my VERY OUCHY AF, endo comes to mind again... - in which case I should see a Napro doc.)

Or - this was just my first miscarriage.  No harm, no foul.  One in four, right?  This way I didn't ever really know, so I couldn't be so anguished.  In that case - we keep trying naturally, and in a month or two, visit Dr A again for IUI with Clo.mid.  Chances will then be 40%.

I will go in tomorrow for my "BFN test", just so maybe Nurse Cheese can say something mean to me, to brighten my Friday.

Either way, next month is "off".  No counting or anything.  I think my poor husband needs a break from everything so scheduled as well.  We see Dr Nora mid-month, I can ask her for a referral to a Napro doc at that time if that's how we're going to go.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

I quit.

Honestly, this week has been awful.
  1. Boobies Sore - but let's face it, they're not that sore anymore.  Typical CD25.
  2. Terrible Heartburn yesterday and today (I cried for 5 min after I read that)
  3. That day of super tiredness last week
  4. At least three crying jags today
All those little signs.
And today?
Spotting.

This is the pits.  I think I give up.  I can't do this anymore.  WTIF.  To be such a mess and not even pg?!?  Crap.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Listless

CD23
It's our 2nd anniversary today.
And all I can think about is that we've been TTC for 2 years now.


2 years.


I feel so listless.  I can't even figure out what to do for October's cycle, let alone fathom another few years at this.  Should we go to a Napro doc?  Try an IUI with cl.omid?  Both of these things take so much effort.

Way back when, 2 years was going to be our cutoff.  When we start the adoption process, or give up all together and live abroad for a while (not give up like start using BC, but give up like stop trying so darn hard).

If I can't have babies, I want to live a more-fun life.  I've been nesting for two years now - buying a nice child-friendly house in a nice child-friendly neighbourhood.  Working hard at a job I don't like to save up money for when I will hopefully be a SAHM.  Categorizing each day with respect to what part of the cycle I am in.

But how long can I stay in this waiting game?  Neither DH nor I are particularly happy.  (With work - marriage very good, thank goodness).  I've become super boring in the last two years.  Which is fine if you're about to have a baby, but sort of lame if you're not.

I know many of you dear ladies eat two years of TTC for breakfast and keep on marching, but this is significant to us.  Sorry for the ultra-whiny post, I probably shouldn't be allowed to blog on a Monday morning.

Friday, September 23, 2011

So... do I or don't I need extra progesterone?

CD21

By the numbers:
Lining 12mm (good)
Estrogen 293 - ?
LH 3.2
FSH 2.6
Progesterone 26.9

Is that an ok number for progesterone today?  I am six days past ovulation.  I am slightly obsessing.  I asked Nurse Cheese about if it was good enough...they're not much for commitment at Dr A's.  She was all, "I've seen a viable triplet pregnancy with progesterone levels of 30" and "I've seen a successful pregnancy with progesterone of 25".  All well and good - but should I be supplementing?!?  The Napro peeps and Dr Nora LOVE supplementing progesterone, but Dr A isn't a fan at all.  I would really appreciate any advice, if you have it, blogsisters!

In other news, I do have a little bit of the sore boobies.  This is good.  Since the TCM herbs have been out of my system, I haven't had a month with sore boobs.  And I swear I had low level cramping last night.  I like those things.  I was crazy tired last night and this morning, which I also thought was good, but I'm ok now...which maybe isn't as good.

All in all, I've been pretty chill (for me).  This picture sums it up:  waiting.  It is my wallpaper at work, and I find it soothing.  The SB are messing with my head a little bit though, we'll see if I make it through next week with my sanity.  Our 2nd anniversary this weekend - officially two years of 'trying'.  It will be a huge bummer if this cycle doesn't catch - two years was supposed to be some sort of cut off for us - time for adoption?  But we're not quite ready yet... we're just waiting.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

11 million soldiers are now swimming their way towards victory.

CD16.
Well, the deed is done.

(11 million washed from 104 million!  Yay!  Doc said we only need 10 million!)

It was surprisingly painless.  Much less painful than a PAP smear.  So...no big shakes.

I'm having a little cramping now.  It's fine.  I've been feeling a bit nauseous on and off today (due to maybe something I ate yesterday?  Started this morning, before IUI, no connection), so I've been sticking to broth and whatnot.  (Making some fish soup for dinner now  - tried to buy some fish heads to make some nice fish broth, but no dice - will have to go to the Chinese grocery store.)

I ovulated yesterday-ish.  I am already [TMI] into progesterone CM, said he.  So... hope we're not too late!!  Had a nice visit with the friend of ours who tried for a few years - met their new baby girl.  Very cute!  We spilled the beans about the IUI to them... they are rooting for us as well, that is nice.

Had an interesting conversation about "implantation problems" with Dr Awesome.  He feels that very very few people have actual implantation problems - he thinks that mostly is a code for a doctor that isn't doing the right things (with respect to IVF).  Interesting.  At any rate, I like hearing that "very very".  :)

Saturday, September 17, 2011

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both...

CD15
What an emotional rollercoaster this week has been!

Mon:  Doing good - very optimal.  First u/s + bloodwork seems to go well.
Tue:  Feeling really +ve and hopeful and energetic!
Wed:  Awful convo with Nurse Cheese.  Very sad and weepy.  Had to eat an enormous amount of really nice raw milk goat cheese, drink a large glass of wine, watch a bit of Teen Mom 3, and go out for pear gelato to cheer myself up.  
WedHebrews is really pg!  Yay!  (I was her prayer buddy for Lent, so this is especially exciting news - I prayed hard for those tubes to be open!)
Thu:  Read that E had her first period ever naturally, due to Inositol supplements.  Wow!  I LOVE hearing about how supplementation 'fixed' something!  (since I love nutrition)
Fri:  Another difficult conversation with Nurse Cheese.

I went in on Friday for my wanding, and the office was in a tizzy - they are replacing the carpeting  (which is good - the office is this BEAUTIFUL old Victorian house that has been nicely remodeled, but with really ratty carpeting).  So Dr A actually did my blood draw - I was a little nervous, he does this waaay less often than the nurses do (and he seemed a bit nervous too), but it was excellent.  He didn't seem to care about my too-big follicle ("your body doesn't run on an exact schedule like German trains do").

Nurse Cheese pretty much thinks this cycle is toast.  She keeps wanting us to BD, but I'm like "Um, we're MF, shouldn't we have at least 3 days in between?", then she hems and haws about it, because it is really non-obvious what the best thing to do is. 

IUI will be Sunday.  Have to skip church!  I told my choir director lady I won't be here on Sunday, something just came up, and she was like "Everything ok I hope?", and I was like, "Tell you in a few weeks!"  Hah!

I am nervous for tomorrow.  Even though I know it's no big deal.  I think it's because I am NERVOUS for the end of this upcoming 2WW!  I've had 2WW in the past when I've been terrified of AF arriving... I think this is going to be like that.

I asked Nurse Cheese if they would be wanding or doing bloodwork on Sunday, and she said No.  IUI is Sunday.  End of story.  I guess they don't care to know when it hit with respect to ovulation.  Is that normal?  Don't they have an scientific curiosity??

By the numbers (yesterday)
CD14
Follicle is 23mm
Lining 10-11mm
LH 10
Estrogen 599
FSH 3.1
Progesterone 3.4

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

IUI #1 is a bust?

Numbers aren't good today.  Follicle is too large for hormone levels.  :(  Essentially the follicle is pretty much mature (~20mm), but I'm not near ovulation yet.  I was hoping that I was ovulating early, but no dice.

I am very very sad.  I spent all day yesterday feeling great, so positive, so dare-I-say hopeful, that things were finally coming together... but they're not.  I had a big workout yesterday (shouldn't that increase my estrogen?  WTIF?!), was feeling happy and energetic all day.  Bah.

The nurse (who is named after cheese - and not the one you'd think) told me to come in again on Friday for another wanding/bloodwork.  She was very unimpressed with my single follicle.  She thinks the doc will cancel the cycle... I think probably not, since it was justified as a sperm diagnostic, but it is rather disheartening.

This is all further complicated by being Male Factor.  When to BD is tricky - we can't go longer than 5 days without, else they will go bad - and Friday will be 5 days.  But we need at least 3 days in between 'samples'.  So we can't go now, because if Friday is the day it won't be long enough.  But maybe we'll BD tonight, and take the risk that Friday they'll tell us Saturday is the day, and that will be 3 days?  Or if it is Friday, 5 days would be better than 2, but.... frig.  Maybe 2 is enough?

Or maybe my darn follicle will be too darn large anyway, so all of this matters not.  Internet seems to say both that anything over 24mm is too ripe, and that conversely ladies have gotten pg with follicles that are 34mm?  What's the deal?

It all makes me very sad.  And I think that makes me nauseous - the stress?  Either way, I fled from work.  I started to cry a bit in my cubicle - and that's not cool.  Better to be home. AND my right ovary hurts.  And I want to eat fugdeeos (but I don't eat store bought cookies).  Dangit - why is this so HARD?  :(

By the numbers:
CD12
Follicle ~20mm
Lining 8mm
Estrogen 440 (prev peak was 650)
LH 4.4 (prev peak was 48)
Progesterone 3.3
FSH 2.8
CM creamy (yesterday was EWCM)

Monday, September 12, 2011

A wanding I did go

My first wanding was today of this IUI #1 cycle.  It felt so strange - I didn't know what to do.
And it was the not-as-good nurse, she had the monitor turned, I couldn't see the wee follicles.

But wee it was not - 17.6mm.  CD10!  Ayyiyi!  I am 'normally' a later ovulator.  (I was expecting it'd be like 9mm).  Although obviously my 'normal' has shifted quite a bit since the TCM herbs are out of my system.  I wonder if the last few months have made my cycle better or not?  Certainly earlier... and longer, which is good.  Although this will be a killer 2WW.

And I made sure to ask for my hormone levels this time!

Estrogen 243 (um...either I am heading to ovulate <CD15, or I am slightly too high? but with such a huge follicle, it seems like ovulation <CD15 is likely)
LH 4.3 (not surging yet)
Progesterone 2.0 (fine at this time, I should think)
FSH 3.6 (umm... ok?)

I am to go in Wednesday for my next wanding.  If the wee follicle grows 2mm/day, I'll already be at 22mm on Wedneday!  Good.  I wonder what the second-best one is up to!?!?

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Should I do acupuncture for IUUI #1?

Any thoughts?
Any stats?
Is it only IVF that is improved by acupuncture, or IUI as well?
What day does one book it for?

It would be kinda fun to see Dr Tanya again, but... well, it doesn't come for free, as they say!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Shampoo Eureka

I just had an epiphany.  About Shampoo.

I had noticed that I seemed to not get an itchy scalp when using my latest "hippie Shampoo".  And then I would get an itchy scalp when I washed my hair at the gym (I bring little hotel shampoos I've collected over the years), or when I travel (say, to my parents, who keep normal shampoos you can buy in the drug-store in the guest shower for us).

It was particularly bad when I was home this weekend, so I tried some Head and Shoulders while we were at our friend's place on Sunday night.  It got slightly better, but is still a bit itchy.  And I was thinking - what the heck, maybe I'll have to switch to H&S.  I loathe the scent of it, have been nagging at DH to switch for years without success, so have stopped nagging him.

But then I was wandering around the Internet looking for home remedies to dandruff, and lo and behold - "Make sure to examine the ingredients on your shampoo bottles and if ammonium/sodium lauryl sulfate is listed don’t use it anymore. It’s something they put in the shampoo to make it soapy. It can lead to dandruff, burning, and itchy skin."

What the heck!  It all fits together!  My darn SHAMPOO was causing me to itch!  The world is a scary place.

Now how can I convince DH to try my hippie shampoo for a few days?  I actually do love this latest one I've tried, I think it's a keeper - I will actually buy it again when I run out (normally I am not a loyal shampoo-er).  He has a different head than me, this might not be the cause of his itchy scalp, but it is worth a shot!  He's been using Hea.d and Shoul.ders for YEARS - he will not stray.  He doesn't use the store brand even.

Because, most importantly - Sodium Lauryl Sulfate is maybe bad for the spermies.  MaybeProbablyOh dear.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

IUI #1 is a Go!

We just had our appt with Dr A.  One thing can be said for Dr A - he really doesn't rush you out.  We sat and talked for 45+ min - a faster doc could have had us out of there in <5 min.

The upshot of it all - he doesn't really think we should do IUI.  But, he is really interested to see how many sperm make it out of washing.  So the sperm washing is almost a diagnostic, in his view.  While DH's number are now slightly above average, he says a washing will really show us what we have to work with.  And then might as well time it and use it, so we agree on IUI #1. 

Because otherwise he's sort of against it - he says a woman my age with my husband's (now good) counts can easily take 6-12 months to conceive.  He wants us to keep trying another 6 months, and then we'll see.  That is too long, from my point of view, to sit around not-doing anything.  So IUI #1 it is.

The whole reason we went in for this talking appointment in the first place is that I want to do it un-medicated.  He gives our un-medicated odds at 20-25% for this IUI cycle.  I was expecting that.  He said if I took the medication (not injectables, just pills), he'd put the odds at 40%.  But I'm not ready for that yet.  If everything is hunky-dory with me, we shouldn't need it, we'll just need patience.  If everything isn't ok with me (aka, endometriosis), medication won't solve it.

He also puts our odds every month at 20% with doing nothing special, which is why he was against the un-medicated IUI to start with. This sort of messed with my poor DH's head a bit - he was starting to think I should take the medication, but the doc actually helped me to talk him out of it - Dr A could tell I didn't want the meds (at least yet).

If this cycle doesn't work, we'll keep trying naturally (of course!), and keep up with our vitamins and whatnot from Dr Nora, and we'll go in again in December for perhaps a medicated cycle.

Dr A did say he'll think I'll be a nightmare if we did IVF - well, not in those words, but essentially.  I usually have a lot of follicles, they'll go gangbusters on mediation, and it will be awful for me.  No thank you!  Even with medicated IUI - I don't really want twins, and our odds go way up.

Interestingly, I asked a lot of progesterone questions - essentially, I want him to monitor me on several days past ovulation, and supplement with progesterone if need be.  He's totally against it.  He says my day 22 (about 7 dpo) progesterone level was 30.9, which is fine.  I have a memory of being told my progesterone was "low", but maybe that was from my first RE?  He said supplementing progesterone is very 10-years-ago.  If you don't fix the follicular phase, the supplementing just in the luteal isn't going to work.  But I'm not sure I agree with him - everything I've read + Dr Nora + all you lovely Catholic ladies love your progesterone.... I see this as maybe being a sore spot.  We'll see.  If my 7 dpo is really a perfect value, is that enough testing to say it is ok?  Should I try to impo.rt ille.gal prog.esterone?  (this might be a wee bit too extreme for now!)

So Monday (it will be CD10) I'll go in for my first wanding/blood work.  Good, at least I'll be doing something!  And in the meantime, I will try to relax and grow follicles.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

#1 Matchy-Matchy

Today is CD29-potentially-CD1.

I am down in my hometown for that big family wedding.  Yesterday was a LOT of laughs!  We went out searching for nail polish and lipstick that were a perfect colour match to my dress (see below).  Which in itself is pretty hilarious - and I haven't had nail polish on for YEARS.  It's just not my thing.  But I decided to get super girly this weekend.  And I somehow convinced half of my female relatives to also put this shade of nail polish on so we'd be matchy-matchy.  And my Mom put clear coats on everyone (female) else.  Very fun - my #1 cousin and I will have matching nail polish - how cute!  (She and I look the most alike, which I love to hear people say, because she is so pretty!  If another cousin would be in town though, then I am third in the look-alike contest.  #1 and I agreed when we were teenagers that we were each others #1 cousins [since I have like 17 cousins, one has to have some order, right?  ahah!], so we refer to each other as #1)

Here is my dress - I am pretty stoked about it!  This suits my body quite well, because I have a grande bum region - but I magically fit into a size 0 in this dress!  What?!?  Hahhaah.  I am like a 6/8 normally.



It was only IF-stressful at one point, when suddenly we were the center of attention - "when are you two going to have a baby?" - I gave my usual "You'll be the first to know!", which then (thankfully) quickly degenerates into "hey!  I want to be the first to know" comments.

I did POAS this morning - I have been spotting for two days now, but AF should be here by now, but she's not quite - this will be my third day of spotting, so I thought... well, better safe than sorry, since if I'm not pg, I will drink tonight at the wedding.  But no - one line.

Bottom's up!

Monday, August 29, 2011

Oh what a tangled web we weave...

So I was at DH's family's on the weekend, and his youngest-uncle's-wife was showing me pictures of her great-nieces - (fraternal) twins.  Turns out they are "test tube babies" as he said - which I take to mean IVF.

So we're talking about IVF in Hong Kong vs Taiwan, how expensive it is ($200 000 HKD!), and how Taiwan has better technology, etc etc, and I realized - wait - I am having this discussion like I normally have it, pretending it doesn't apply to me, but they actually do know we're IF and it does apply to me! They are telling me all this because they think I should/will eventually do IVF.  But we don't want to.  But we haven't really discussed our IVF policy with DH's family, they just know we've been trying.

And I'm also thinking - Oh, good thing DH's cousin Kay will be doing IVF in Taiwan not HK - but then I have to remember I don't think that is public knowledge, and not to let it slip.

So I felt very turned around they all this truthing/untruthing.  I don't like all this lying I do normally when I breezily say, "Oh, maybe we'll have kids next year, after we're done our reno" (have said this for two years now) - but sad fact is, I can't actually say that 'we're trying' without tearing up, and it just isn't appropriate in most circumstances.  Like I even leaked a few when I told Dr Nora, who is a medical professional, and probably assumed that is why I was there anyway.

So that is my story.  I hope IF we ever catch, I can be brave and shout from the rooftops how long it took us, and how painful that was - but I'm not sure I will be able to. 

So I will leave you with a link to the youtube video you've probably already seen (I know I've seen it at least 5 times), but it makes me cry (like in an "Aw that's so beautiful!" way) every time!  (Like, I pretty much cried for 5 minutes when I watched it on the weekend, gearing up for my cousin's wedding coming up this weekend!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

Oh!  And HUGE congrats to Tishi on the birth of her new baby girl Sadie!  Can't wait to hear the birth story!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Appt booked to discuss IUI

I didn't really know I would need an appt to discuss IUI with the doc, but it appears I do!

When I called up the office to say I'd like to do an IUI next cycle, the lady was like, "Do you want injectable meds or pills?", and I was like, "Um, neither?  Can I do a natural cycle?" and then things started to get confusing, and she suggested I book an appt to talk to Dr A about my options.

Problem is, he's not free until Sept 6th.  And given my un-predictable cycle length, I could be anywhere from CD1 to CD5 on that day!  Oops!  DH was nagging me to call them earlier, and I was like "Why?  I pretty much just have to call them on CD1, right?", but I think it isn't very common for them to do unmedicated cycles, so maybe a good idea to talk it over first.

Cause I'd like to take progesterone.  I (and Dr Nora, more importantly) still think I have low progesterone in my luteal phase.  And I'd like them to continue to cycle monitor me even after ovulation.  Which they don't normally do.  Can I whine and they'll do it?  Dr Nora said she'd call them up and persuade them if need be - which is comforting, but does sound a bit dramatic, given that I think most medical docs think Naturopaths are just Shamans, I think he's likely to ignore her? 

Well, let's see how this all shakes down.  I like having a plan for next cycle, at the very least.  Technically this will only be the second month DH's numbers are up, one could argue we should wait 3-6 months... but I feel that is too long if there are other problems that need to be addressed.  And most importantly, September was our original cutoff (aka, trying for two years - we said we'd start pursueing adoption after two years, but now I'm not sure we're ready yet), so it is very important mentally to be doing something drastic.

2nd appt

I had my 2nd appt with Dr Nora yesterday.  It was interesting.  She's almost a bit scatter-brained - I feel like we were mostly talking about general health (energy, sleep), and not much at all about IF.  Like IF would naturally go away if I took care of the others?  Or are we still thinking it's all DH? 

She recommended some herbs/vitamins and things.  I've been feeling better generally for the last week or so, hopefully it keeps up!  (or as I've come to think of  it, gradually my adrenals are being restored).

DH and I had a REALLY lovely mini-vacation on the weekend - we stayed at a B&B, we went on an amazing hike in the pouring rain on Sunday!  That really calms me down.  I wish I could go for such a thing every weekend.  I think it is some combination of the fresh air and the trees (and I suppose the exercise isn't hurting any).  Lovely!

I am CD20 today, but this is the first cycle in a long time I have no real idea when I ovulated, all signs point to that it's over by now.  I'm also sort of in an easy-breezy kind of mood lately, so I wasn't paying too much attention.  I tried Dr Nora's method of figuring it out, but it didn't seem to work for me.  Maybe I will have to take a class?  She wasn't so impressed I didn't know.

I will try to call sometime this week to talk IUI for next cycle.  And DH has an appt booked with Dr Nora as well - while his volume is up, we still need to work on motility and morphology.  I will prob go to his appt with him.

Friday, August 19, 2011

74.4 Million reasons to say "YAY!"

So, the results are in after DH's surgery - and they're good!  DH's numbers have come up dramatically.  From 34.9mil to 86.7mil to 74.4mil.  Yay!

Motility is still a bit low at ~30% (should be >50%), but there was progress there too.  And Morphology is still low at 15%, up from 10% (should be >30%).  So I think we should be in a good range for IUI next cycle.

Which begs the question - if DH's counts have been up since July, and that is supposedly all that was wrong with us... um, where's the baby?!?

Also good news is that a good IF lady 'E' is 'back in the game' after a disappointing early miscarriage.  I think it will work out for her - she's really done a serious lifestyle change!

I had my birthday this week, but I don't care in terms of IF.  It's our second anniversary that is looming, that I think I may freak out on.  That will officially be two years of IF.  Poot.

Anyhoo, to continue my 'birthday week', we're heading up to a B&B in the country this weekend and planning on doing lots of hiking, it will be CD15, good chances!  :)

I keep having baby dreams, but the babies are never mine lately.  Like I had this dream that I woke up, and all these puppies and babies were in our apartment  - and I got to work trying to return them.  Like, what the hay?  hahahahh.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

I should know better.

Than to watch sappy fertility videos onlines

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=kZXf_PkU9QU

It wasn't even really sappy.   And it was sort of a commercial for REs (which is weird, and I'm kinda against).  But right at the end, a wee tear leaks out, then I go to hug DH, and the floodgates open.

And here I am thinking I am so blase about IF lately.
Hahahhah.

In more exciting news:  Jenn seems to have adopted!  Wow!  That is great.  Can't wait to hear the whole story.  I feel like I've heard a lot of rotten adoption stories lately, this one obvi turned out well!

CD8.
Next cycle I think we'll IUI.  When do you have to call your doc to set that up?  CD1 ok for the cycle you want to do?  Anyone know?

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Please exit this fun ride through the lavatory.

Well ladies, this extradinary cycle was quite a fun ride, but alas, spotting started yesterday.
wah-wah

It was still a really weird cycle.  No boob soreness, no cramping yet...no 'period pimple'.... due to oil pulling?  Stress?  Lack of stress?  What is going on!?!?

I had the worst day on Friday.  I felt like I would burst into tears if "one more bad things happened" - but of course I didn't, as bad things did seem to keep happening all day (even minor setbacks were really killing me).  Man, work is really tough/stressful again.  I think all of August is going to be like this.  I feel like it is just heading into torture when I go in the morning, and when I get home I am super drained.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

A.P.B. out on Aunt Flo...or a second line!

Has anyone seen my Aunt Flo?  About yea high?  Identifiable by her snarky attitude and tattoos?
I did threaten her, maybe she's scared of me.

She's missing.  Was due here several days ago.  Normally she also brings luggage of boob-soreness, which is also missing.

CD30!

No spotting!
No two lines!

Sometimes today in the bathroom I was like "AWESOME!  Still no spotting!", and other times I purt-near forgot about it!

Either way it turns out, this is one for the record books.  I think I am going into pretend-preggo mode.  Where I don't actually think I am, but will at least make food choices as if I was.  Who knows, this could be as close as I get, might as well enjoy it!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Still a single liner...

CD29.
But no sign of AF yet.  Not even spotting.  Every time I went to the bathroom today I steeled myself for some spotting - but none yet!  Boobs still don't hurt.  Am I maybe missing a period?  Or just an historically long cycle?  Only time will tell. (And POAS again tomorrow - I might as well, I have tons of the things, I don't normally use them, I rely on good ol' AF)

WEIRD.

Anyhoo, first appt with Dr Nora today.  That was interesting!  She is confident she can make me more energetic, sleep better, better skin, and potentially knocked up.  That is good.  But, my old TCM doc was also super confident... so I am only cautiously optimistic.  I will wait a few months and see how I do.

I had been dreading the appointment last night - there were so many forms to fill out, and you know, explaining yourself AGAIN to another doctor... bah.  But it was of course ok.  (I must say Dr Nora is in QUITE a posh neighbourhood in the City!  Woah!  I forget there are people like that!)

Monday, August 1, 2011

Camping was GREAT!

CD27

Camping was really wonderful.  I love camping.  I don't know why I don't do it more.  It is WONDERFUL to get out of the city!  It takes me about two days to fully stop caring about work.  I wish we'd have had another day, we didn't actually get any hiking in.

I didn't do much exercise, come to think of it - we were 3 to a canoe, and I was in the 'princess seat' (aka, in the middle not paddling) most of the time.  But I don't care.  I feel great.  It was great.  I think it's all the fresh air and trees!

It was also nice to see so many friends!  I did do quite a lot of baby-holding, and a fair bit of toddler-distraction, but that inevitable.  There wasn't one single question about when we'd be having our own - I'm pretty sure my friends have figured it out.  But I don't care.  Truth is, I love holding babies.  WAY more fun than breaking down tents, right?

CD27, no sign of AF yet.  That's good.  I don't expect her for a day or two.  I had some yicky cramping this morning, was sure she was on her way, but she hasn't shown yet.  Oh - and totally weird.  Boobs are not sore at all.  It is CD27 (normally they start to hurt like 1-2 days after ovulation - so maybe I didn't ovulate?).  My average cycle length is 27.0, but there is a 10% chance (passed on the last 25 cycles) spotting will start tomorrow.  So I'm trying not to get my hopes up.  But this is when the Aunt makes it tricky!  But most likely is that I didn't ovulate - since this cycle is so weird.

Friday, July 29, 2011

You're UNINVITED!

So I don't know IF I mentioned it, but we're going away camping this weekend with 10 of my friends.  YAAAAAAAY! 

But not 10 full-sized people - two babies and a toddler and coming.

When we sent out the "who wants to go camping" email, we weren't expecting to get people with kids coming!  But it is ok, I like both of the couples very much, it will be intersting at the very least (and I am slightly unnerved with two serious campers both saying "dangerous", but the kiddies will be in full-time life jackets the whole weekend, I think we'll be ok).  The un-kidded people are a couple I don't know very well (more friends of friends) and a single friend.

BUT, as we were sending out the "who has any food allergies" email (for you should see my email organisation - I am a super star this trip - I suppose work is really paying off, forcing me to be organised and cogent in emails, eh?) - the girl-of-the-couple-i-don't-know-well replied "Due to my preggo status...." - WHAT?!?!

UNINVITED!

Seriously, if I could have uninvited her at that moment, I would have.  Yeesh.  No offense, but preggos really bring a party down.  Now all talk will be about babies.  For if one is growing one, it is reasonable to want to talk about them.  And if two other people there are on mat leave (remember we get a year here), all they do anyway is babies, and thus will be all about baby talk.  And I love/hate baby talk!  Augh!

So I guess it's just us and our singleton friend.

In any case, I'm SUPER excited to go.  It will be nice to really get away.  It is a long weekend here, so it's just enough time (would prefer longer!) to get our wilderness on.  The last camping trip I went on, I found that despite eating all sorts of sugary foods and being pissed at the lack of English being spoken, my shakiness went away, and I just felt good and happy.  This also probably had to do with the mega runs I went on several days on the last trip (12km on the trail!), which isn't going to happen this time (no way I can do 12 km right now!  I can barely run 4 km!).

Work's been gradually building up pressure/stress, so this will be a welcome relief.  In fact, my new boss rejected my request for half a day of vacation (since we need to leave early, lest we end up canoeing into the site in the dark), he said just to take it.  So YAY!  Half day today!  Seriously, I was up at like 6am from all the excitement this morning.  And I had a RARE moment last night where I stayed until 7:30pm at work, because I was enjoying what I was doing, and wanted to do more.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Very sensitive fertile.

So we just had dinner with some friend's of DH's - I was sort of dreading it.   It was the couple I had previously posted about here (wow, that takes me back, eh?).

BUT, it turned out to be a rather nice dinner.  I had skipped her shower (since I don't do baby showers anymore), but I still wanted to bring a present, so we got together tonight and we gave them their present.  I know that they know about our IF troubles, so I was sort of dreading them asking us how it's going... but it was ok.

She was really quite sensitive about the whole thing.  I sort of mentioned how shopping for baby clothes was fun (I don't know why I say things like that - by 'fun' I mean torture-ish-fun), and she was kind of like "aw" and made a little sad face and changed the topic for me.  In general, they really did try to talk about things other than the baby in the beginning, which I appreciated.

She finally did lean over and say "and how are you doing with your thing?" - and I was ok.  I was just like, "ah, not so good", but she was very understanding.  They had been trying 3 years, she said.  And of course I was still wondering how much "trying" it was or just being off BC, but in the parking lot she mentioned "the month we finally gave up ovulation test strips, we got pg" - I was like, oh, I guess you guys are legit.

She did offer to talk about it more if I wanted to... and I think she didn't have anyone to talk to when she was pre-fertile, which is too bad ... but really, I'm doing ok.  I have y'all blogsisters - and of course my actual local IF ladies, who I love to bits! I can't imagine where I'd be without everyone!  Probably in an insane asylum or divorced.  Yikes.

We did talk excessively about baby names - but I haven't had a total personality transplant, I've loved talking about baby names since high school.  They are pretty hot for a name I quite like - "Evangeline' - remind you of anyone, Feather?

Monday, July 25, 2011

Adrenal Fatigue

This seems to be a VERY important topic.  At least for me.

So I read this book, and finally I understand what JB's been all on about!  Dear Jelly Belly has been beating the Adrenal Fatigue drum since for ages now, but I think it took reading about it for me to really get it.  (and I like to read books).

I have some outstanding symptoms of adrenal fatigue.  And I seem to be worse lately.  I think this has to do with my early-morning shakiness - it is hypoglycemia brought on by (or worsened by) adrenal fatigue.  Oh ho!  My doc was heading down the path of heart investigations, which is nonsense and a waste of time/money.

I scored a low-moderate.  Even more interesting, as I was reading the book, I was like "this is for sure my Auntie Em", so when I was at her house this weekend, I gave her the quiz, and she scored moderate-severe.  Auntie Em needs her adrenals refreshed.  She is much worse off than me.  But as we're family and all, I could be her in a few years!  Yikes.   (Despite a super healthy diet, she is quite tired and overwhelmed lots of the time, has many chemical/food sensitives, it gets worse and worse)

A few things struck me in particular:
  • I've lately been getting an AF that seems to stop at day 3-4, then spotting starts up again.  WTIF!  Well, makes perfect sense with Adrenal Fatigue.  It's all there in the book.
  • Increasing PMS symptoms
  • My energy patterns seem to follow adrenal fatigue classic examples (with low thyroid)
  • In the past I've felt a million times better on vacation, and not shaky at all
So of course I would have to confirm this with lab tests.  And I think I'm going to go visit Dr Nora.  (Um, meant to book an appt today, but work was tres busy, didn't quite get to it).

It feels kinda good to maybe know why I am feeling tired so often, and why it is linked to stress at work (which now seems like, DUH, but before seemed quite mysterious).  And hopefully this is actually it, and it can be fixed, Hoorah!  Imagine - living a life with vitality, not just dragging through it!  I want that.  :)  (and then babies will magically fall out of my tummy, I am sure)

This even sort of makes sense if you think of it in TCM terms - you are using up your Qi with stress and bad diet (and bad teeth!).

So, I recommend the book.  It's a bit poorly organised, but otherwise very informative.   I'm going to try and live the "daily program for Adrenal Recovery", see if it helps.  But I think I need supplements, and I'd like to talk to Dr Nora.  Perhaps I'm cracked in the head, and it isn't this at all!

Friday, July 22, 2011

Ow! There you are Mittelschmirz, I thought I had misplaced you!

It's friggin' CD17!

I am ouchy and awful today.  Blather.  Finally there is a faint (very faint!) on the LH test strip.  So maybe tomorrow will be an actual line.  So ovulation CD19?!?  Unheard of!  I am normally CD16 like clockwork!

WTIF!  Last month I suspected I ovulated at like CD14.  Now CD19?!  What happened to me being regular?  Why am I descending into a spiral of bad?  (Have a whole post coming on adrenal fatigue)

If I don't have a least a 29 day cycle this month, somebody's gonna get a hurt real bad!  (I'm looking at you, Aunt Flo!) (The link is classic Canadian humour)  :)

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Oil Pulling

Yes, that's right.  Oil pulling.  It isn't like pulling taffy.

I first heard about it from Kim, and the thought "you should look up what the heck that is" kept going around in my head for a week or two.

I finally looked it up.  If you've no time to look at the link above, I will sum it up for you:  Oil pulling will  cure all that ails you.  Or at least whiten your teeth.  Or not.

Hahha.  I figure, it can't hurt.  And at least, it seems it may whiten my teeth (I don't use whiteners, cuz I don't really care all that much about super white teeth when it comes down to it, and I mistrust them, pretty sure they are full of bad things).

Ah.... I love these sort of hippie cure-alls.  I know realistically it probably won't 'fix' all that is wrong with me, but for the next few weeks, I'd like to think it might, gives me something to look forward to!

So I've been doing it for about 7 days now.  I'm not sure it's doing anything - but then again, I'm not sure it's NOT doing anything.   I haven't been having abdominal pain like I've been having (CD16 - should be about to ovulate...although no sign of LH yet).  So that's good... but where is my LH?  Normally CD14 I can sort of see it!

I do think my Dad should probably do this, as he's had a ton of teeth problems and root canals lately.  I also strongly believe that my Grandma's deathly heart attack was from the double root canal she'd had 2 days before she died - apparently there are lots of studies linking the nasty bacteria that live in bad places in teeth with heart attacks.  So it is sort of sad I am only learning this now. 

But we'll see - I'm not sure how I'd go about convincing my Dad to do something so hippie.  For now, I'm just going to see if it at least whitens my teeth!  :)

Monday, July 18, 2011

The tale of Oldest Sister

Last night DH and I went to a barbeque at his friend's, whom we see perhaps once a year.  His friend is married to Middle Sister, who has three lovely children.

DH also knows oldest sister, whom he dragonboats with.  Oldest sister is about (over?) 40, but she's quite lively and fun - you'd swear she was 27 if you met her.  There is also Youngest Sister, who does not figure into our tale, but is about my age, and unmarried.

Now a few years ago, we were at dinner with this same group, DH and I were as of yet unmarried, and did not know the hardships of IF.  We made some of those obnoxious comments to Oldest Sister and her husband "You should have kids!" type of comments.

From my recollection, Oldest sister at one point hung her head and said in a small voice "I can't have any children".  Even then as a potentially-fertile, I knew we were being obnoxious, and I quickly changed the subject.  I'm pretty sure I've even had the "there are other things in life than children" conversation with her at some point.

So I've kind of felt an IF kinship with Oldest Sister, even though we've never talked about it.  Since Middle Sister and DH's friend are both fancy doctors, I assumed that when she made that statement they would have already exhausted all medical avenues - for Oldest Sister clearly loved and doted on her nieces and nephews.

Yesterday DH old me Oldest Sister was expecting.  I was pleased!  It is always nice to hear and IF lady caught - particularly one that was so sweet and seemed to really love kids so much, and I do know she's somewhere in the vicinity of 40.  But then DH also said that Oldest Sister had said something like "Oh, my DH didn't want to have kids yet, but since I'm 40, we thought now was a good time" or something to that effect.  What??  What happened to "I can't have kids"?  Did I dream that up? 

But I thought, ok, whatever her cover story is, I'm glad for her.  She doesn't need to announce to the world if she's had an IVF, or whatever it was that finally got her pg.

BUT - at dinner last night - she was a TOTALLY OBNOXIOUS PREGNANT PERSON.  Seriously!  I wanted to throttle her.  She went on and on about how she was not going to stop doing anything just because she was pregnant, and she was still painting (walls, like) and going up ladders and climbing on counters and everything, and she hated it when people told her to take it easy.  Fine, no need to become sheltered, I have no specific problem with anything she's doing (as long as it's low VOC paint) - but it was totally the attitude.  Hello?  You have a precious miracle in your belly.  Stop acting like it's no big deal, or just a minor inconvenience!  What a prat.

Appleseed grows

Lilypie Maternity tickers