Monday, March 28, 2011
I'm quite impressed with Shanghai, I had been toying with the idea of maybe doing a 6 month work term here - but I talked to a colleague, and it doesn't sound like health care will be doing it for me. I don't think think (based on pure conjecture) there are a lot of REs in China - one child policy, baby selling and all that. And it seems like if you're sick you go to the hospital (as opposed to a family doctor that knows you) - I don't think my fancy new Dr Care/Awesome setup is how it works here. And I hear people actually go to HK to have babies (where is costs $7k CAD!). I asked a few guys a work, they didn't know because they hadn't been sick. Although I guess if we take a 6month break from IF in the future, it could be on the table.
It is killing me I can't comment on your blogs! I can read them through googlereader, but all blog sites seem to be blocked. In the next stage of my trip I don't think I'll have as much Internet access. [Update: I'm am super far behind - sorry, too busy for much Internet access in HK. JB, I hope you got the house!]
So, one worrisome thing is going on at home. My boss has mysteriously disappeared. I am worried. This happened two years ago at our company, an 8 mo pg lady I worked with very closely didn't come back from a doc appt one day. A few weeks later we learned she lost the baby. Very very sad. (She has since had a healthy baby girl - yay! she's due back soon from mat leave). So now anytime a pg lady just doesn't come back from a doc appt... I worry, anyway. I know my boss had a ultrasound scheduled for Weds (we were supposed to find the genders out)...then radio silence. Thursday there was an email from our director saying bosslady would be out for 'a while', and director could help us with anything we needed. Bad sign. And now bosslady's out of office has now been set and is a vauge thing about 'health reasons' and no definate time she'll be back. Hope she's ok. I am really hoping maybe the doc just put her on bed rest or something, and everything otherwise is ok. Argh, just writing this is choking me up. I may be jealous of her twins, but that doesn't mean I don't want them to be healthy.
[IF update from HK:]
So in the evenings I've been super super tired. Last night I was falling asleep on the way home from dinner, but apparently some IF drama went down while I was sleeping (and I don't speak Chinese, so I probably wouldn't have noticed anyway!). We were on the way home from dinner with some extended family, and someone casually asked when we plan to have children. DH's Mom right away said, "They're really trying hard, don't ask them about it, they'll be really angry", which instantly upset DH, so I think he (and DH's Dad) basically told her to shut up. By saying that, she's essentially told the entire extended family we're IF. Great. I mean, I wouldn't have minded if she told DH's oldest uncle (who we're staying with! 9 of us in a 1000 sq ft apt!), but there were even more extended family at the meal - DH's Great-Aunt/Uncle and his first-cousins once removed. And they're all going to Taiwan as well, so essentially everyone at the wedding will know we're IF.
But actually, I'm just glad I didn't know it was going on at the time. I am trying to be more open about IF, and this isn't how I would have planned it, but I suppose it doesn't matter if everyone knows. Then they can be happier for us IF we catch. And they live in HK/Taiwan. Not exactly close. We have since told DH's Mom it is more appropriate to say, "Oh, kids these days. We're not sure of their plan of when to have children."
Sorry I haven't been posting very much! I may have time to post again in Taiwan. Hugs! As of CD6, still TEBB for me.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
sort of embarassing. It isn't cramps - it's out the other end, so to
speak. Pain before defection - sympton of endo, so the Internet tells
And it has been like one million times worse that ever before this
month. For the last year or so (?) it was maybe a twinge now and
then. Now it is quite bad, and lasting all day/night. Something is
up. (Did the Chinese herbs do this to me?! Dunno! Or do I have a
growth or something? Dunno! Gluten? Is gluten doing this to me??)
Or maybe it has nothing to do with endo, maybe it is to do with the
time/food change? I leave this to doc Awesome to figure out.
I am the most regular person in the world - even now, with my shifted
time zone, I am still "dropping the kids off" at the same time - but
in the wrong time zone! Hahaha. I think this is contributing to this
pain I'm having all day (it comes in bursts). It is slightly better
JB - Yes, it is a consolation we're cycle sistas! :)
(And I expected AF for sure this month - things arn't right with me,
something is up. Let's hope Dr Awesome gets to the 'bottom' of it!
hahahah. But I'm sorry for you. Stupid AF.)
I feel like this whole IF thing has become quite abstracted lately -
it's about the little goals (like removing this pain) that will
eventually fit into the larger picture.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
"Ah...ok, I will take the charges."
"Helloooo dearie! I've just landed."
"Um, welcome to Shanghai, I suppose. What are you doing here?"
"You don't think I'd let my favourite neice get lonesome in Shanghai, do you? It took me an extra few days to track you down this month, dearie!"
"29 days. Not bad. I was expecting you anyway. Since it's 5am and I'm up, why not just come over?"
"Thought you'd never ask!"
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Arrived safe and sound in Shanghai!
And I'm tired, but I don't feel like anyone punched me in the stomach - thanks to my lenten prayer buddy for any extra help! :) Also, I took/am taking those homeopathic jet lag remedy things.
It is ~CD27 (since I sort of skipped half a day, it is really CD26.5, but let's not get too wrapped up in these things), and no spotting yet, that is a good thing! I am hoping my cycle is at least longer this time! :)
Ok, a long shower and to bed with me!
I woke up at 4am, but I am satisfied with my sleep - it was mostly a full night. I stayed in bed until 5am, then I got up and did my Luteal Phase yoga, then I went to the gym, now I'm back and showered and have SO much time to do makeup and get dressed for work before heading down to breakfast! Hah - I sort of like these early mornings. 4am is obvi too extreme, but I don't mind waking up at 5am to do so much stuff before going to work. And seriously, the workout has made me feel excellent.
No spotting yet.
Update - CD28:
At about 4pm I started to feel sketchy at work, and was clearly braindead the rest of the day. I had a massage before dinner - was really good, started to feel like jelly. I'm trying my dardest to stay up until 10pm tonight.
No spotting yet.
Update - CD29:
Jet lag has caught up with me! I was up at 2am this morning, couldn't fall back asleep! I did manage to get to sleep around 6am, only to be woken up by my wake up call at 7am. D'Oh! I was sooo tired this morning (a bit of coffee really helped). I made it through today, now I'm at the 5pm sketchy-head time. 2am was NOT COOL. We're going out to dinner tonight with some coworkers in a cool part of Shanghai, hopefully I can keep it together! :)
Spotting. That's ok, she held off as long as she could. And this afternoon I'm having some massive potentially-endo-related pains. Booo. It is making me walk funny. I am going to pass it off as related to the massage...?
Some random notes to related to comments:
-I will be in this time zone for 3 weeks
-No time to adjust getting back! I'm totally screwed!
-Dr T since November 2010.
-Thanks for the lap advice, JB! Nice to know it isn't a big deal, I am slightly worried. I am going to try and persuade Dr Awesome to do one.
So CHINA blocks blogger, so I am only able to post through trickery! So I can see your comments, but I can't comment. Sheesh.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
I am NOT good with time changes. I got to bed 10-ish, sleep by 10:30-ish, up around 7:30-ish. Like, every day. Including most weekends. I am a fountain of good sleep hygiene. (Have been complimented on my sleep hygiene by my doc friend - emerg doctors work ridiculous 28 hour shifts, and thus do not have good sleep hygiene).
This means I'm not very capable of switching it up. This week I've tried to start changing my sleeping hours, to get ready for Shanghai... and it's been a moderate disaster.
Sunday night: Goal was midnight, only made it to 10:30pm. Fail.
Mon-Tues: Better, up until midnight. Still woke up at like 7ish am. Very tired. Very cranky, irritable, grumpy, in the evenings. Poor DH.
Wed: Best, up until 1am. Slept in until 8-ish am. Went for a walk at 11pm (11pm! Who goes for walks to the library at 11pm? Scandalous!), which helped keep me up.
So I've managed to do only a slight time change, and it's been super hard on me/us (as in, right now it is 11:30pm, I want to just go to sleep. No - must stay up until 1am.) How on earth will I do a full 12 hours?! I can't be grumpy and irritable around colleagues, that's just not cool.
I've done these huge time changes twice before in life - and I am one of those people that really does take a day for every hour of time change. I predict I won't feel ok until my second week over there. I also feel like someone punched me in the stomach when I stay up so far past my bedtime, and I don't just become irritable, I can easily descend into a mess, where I somewhat resemble a toddler. It isn't pretty.... I just hope it doesn't get that far.
In other IF news: today I saw Dr T. Last week we had talked about a grand review of my progress, which she did. We talked about it, and while some of my other symptoms have gotten slightly better, there hasn't been too much overall improvement. So we agreed, I am going to Dr Awesome when I get back, and from there we'll wait and see what he figures out (if anything).
She's with me on my thoughts on endo, so if he agrees and finds endo, only then I think I would go back to her for more treatment, for that specific case. For I seem to be stumping her.
Which makes me worry I don't have something simple wrong... if I have some obscure genetic issue or something, I'm out. We're adopting. But let's not get ahead of ourselves, shall we?
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Something happened today that totally flabbergasted me.
My boss came into a meeting with some fresh fruit. Blueberries and raspberries and such. I was thinking, "Good for her, snacking on something healthy for a change!"
And then, she left the room, and came back with sugar packets! She proceeded to dump like three packets of WHITE SUGAR on FRUIT.
My eyeballs popped out of my head. I think I even sputtered something like, "But that's SO bad for you!" then realized it is not my place, and quickly transitioned into work talk.
Really? White sugar? On FRUIT? That isn't good for anyone. Nevermind that she's preg, you can set that aside. Nevermind that she probably had bad enough endo to be infertile for a while. It is bad for you if you are not TTC at all! It is bad for you if you're a MAN, baby!
So I like to think most educated people that speak English have gotten the newsflash that white sugar, white bread, white rice, etc., is bad for you. But I still see these random examples that astound me. And sure - what is 'healthy' is different for different people, there are different levels of healthy, certainly. And I myself prefer white sugar to high fructose corn syrup if I only have the choice between the two (and somehow choosing neither is out). But... fruit is already sweet!!
It's not to say I'm perfect (yes, the view from my high horse is lovely, thank you), or that there shouldn't be 'sometimes foods' - I love sometimes food, I've eaten quite a lot of pie in the last few days.... but really. Food is fuel for your bod, not just something that tastes good.
I even pray that my lenten prayer buddy is eating healthy, even though she has bigger things on her plate. But I can't help slipping it in!
Ok, back to our regularly scheduled 2WW. My temp rose in one day instead of it's usual two days - so that's good!! If it wasn't for this mysterious abdomen pain, I would think maybe this isn't such a bad cycle after all. They do say a long cycle often precedes a lucky cycle....! So I'm hoping AF can hold off a few extra days this month.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thankfully, it seems like we won't have the data by next Monday, so that crazy-hours meeting won't be until at least the Thursday or Friday of my trip.
Interesting thing happened today - so at work, the running joke forever (not sure why this is funny, but it was oft quoted) was that my Boss was pregnant. For like three years this randomly gets inserted into conversation, people laugh. She was quite good natured about it, considering they were probably TTC. She even laughed after her endo sugery (when she was puffy) she should wear a shirt "I'm not pregnant I'm just fat".
So now she IS pregnant (and again, she's already looking like 9 mo since it's twins), the joke isn't funny, so they've moved the joke to me. Randomly I'll out of the blue get asked if I'm pg. I laugh it off - and really, I'm in such better shape (thanks to all you ladies!) than last fall, it doesn't really bug me, they're just being guys. (ahem, dumbasses)
But today this came up, and it was a 25 year old colleague (little C) and another colleague (big V). Little C made a quip about me being pg, which I denied, and big V told him, "you know, some people are TTC, and they might not like such jokes". My face ignored both of them (I was walking slightly ahead of them), but I was like "A-Ha!" - I think Mr and Mrs Big V might be TTC, and maybe they're already into it a few months (and if you'll recall, those first few months are really surprising and tend towards heart breaking). Because in my experience, unless you've had some trouble, it doesn't even cross your mind that not everyone gets pg at the drop of a hat.
So maybe we've got some more company. Interesting. Or my colleagues have figured out that although baby crazy and not particularly enthralled by work, I still walk among them, something is up. But I prefer to think the former.
Have a good weekend! My bff is down from Ottawa for a visit, that will be so nice. She isn't married yet (still single), so it is super hard for her to relate to IF, since she's a step behind me, but she tries to be nice.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I feel totally spent now. I can't believe I have to go in tomorrow! Bah.
Going to Shanghai will be fun and all - but there is a lot of work I have to get done before I go... and I am starting to hear things like, "Oh, make sure to put that meeting in Shanghai friendly time zone [aka, 9pm local Shanghai time] on Monday so CS can attend."
Like, WTF? Really, my first day in China when I will be meg jet-lagged, they want me to call into a meeting? Actually... that might be Sunday night Shanghai time. So after a 14hr flight of not really sleeping (since I fly during the 'day'), I will be ready to crash...nope, I've got a meeting to dial in to (that I have to be on the ball for, can't just sit back and say nothing). Yikes yikes. I think I will have to bring this up to my boss that this is unrealistic... it sounds like an easy thing to do, you are all thinking, "Go tell your boss that is unreasonable", but our company culture makes this a hard thing - I will come off looking lazy/wimpy.
It's CD17 and I haven't seen a good LH surge yet on the strips this month. It is usually pretty solid on CD16. This could mean I will see a solid surge tomorrow? Yowzas - my follicular phase doesn't need to be any longer! And my temp is still low. Super odd. I think the herbs are screwing with me.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
She was really calm and friendly and approachable. She offered to fax my records transferal to my old clinic and we made an extra copy for me to go in person with (since she knows they lose faxes all the time, etc.) She said a few times during the conversation - "Our priority right now is to get you pregnant!" - I loves! She even said she would look through my records when they come in to see if I'm missing any obvious test, which she could order and I could do before I leave for Asia, so the results would be ready for my new RE appt. And she offered to fax the new RE a letter explaining I'm transferring docs. Great! I'm going to call her Dr Care.
I stopped in at my old clinic for records transfer. They said it would take, "oh...one week maybe. Maybe two. It depends."
Well, this isn't the end of the world, if they haven't transferred documents by mid next week, I'll call and move my RE appt - hopefully it will only mean a week or two push out. But seriously - two weeks to print out some records? WTIF?!
Monday, March 7, 2011
She agreed, and promised to do a full review of all my charts before next week. So that's good. I'm really looking forward to the appt with the new RE, I feel like there are a lot of things I want to get tested for, so I can put aside some of my outlandish theories to narrow down what the heck is actually wrong with me. Dr T did say she thinks about my case all the time, and what to do with me - which I thought was cute.
I think I should do some homework between now and my new RE appt. I'm going to take out 3 month fertility cure book out from the library again and get reading!
Lenten prayer buddies were assigned today, that is fun. I was assigned a real star of the Catholic infertile ladies blog world - exciting.
I would also like to give a shout out to my new blog followers - Hello Ladies! Glad you can stop by now and then!
I'm starting to question whether or not acupuncture is actually working. My cycle still seems stuck around 26ish days. My skin is currently terrible (ovulation has been bad since I started herbs - and yes, I ate Dorri.tos on Friday night, which have both milk and corn, both of which disagree with me, so possibly it's my own fault). My CM seems slightly better this month, so that is good... (I did neglect to pick up some royal jelly. I balked at the price. Which is stupid, I then went out and spent tons of money on gree.ns+ and other hippie foods.) I've also been getting some pain in my nether regions I didn't have before.
Ah well. I am really really looking forward to meeting this new RE in April. I guess /scared of meeting him - what if he laughs at all my theories and brushes them aside? Yikes. We'll see.
Also, we spent yesterday with my VERY pregnant friend - as in, she's due today. I tried to not let it bother me, and all the baby talk didn't bother me toooo much... but I don't know, I had envious dreams last night, and I am grumpy this morning. I was ready to 'come out' if asked, but it seems like everyone kind of knows to steer clear of asking us anymore.
I am adjusting my 'fertility shake' recipe that I have a few mornings a week:
- almond milk
- hemp protein (supposed to be very alkalising)
- ground black sesame
- carob (since cocoa has caffeine :( )
- random other fruit if I have some that are suitable (i.e., kiwi)
Friday, March 4, 2011
I got my Hep A/B vaccination yesterday! Check!
And while I was there, I went to my family doc's reception to ask about the referral (yes, it's been two weeks, I have been calling and talking to them on the phone sporadically for the last week), and the clinical assistant said she faxed it. Yay!
Then I mosey'd down to the Chine.se embassy - wow, what a crazy place. After an hour or two just standing around, I finally dropped off our passports.
But the bigger news is that I went with DH for his hep booster, and I met his nice family doc. DH is really pushing for me to move to her, he's very impressed with her and the clinic she is in. I'm not super impressed with my family doc, and DH is very unimpressed with my family doc's clinic.
I was sort of tepid about this change, until I met his family doc - she's really nice. And she just talked to us for like 10-15 min - she didn't rush off, there was no sign on the wall saying "Only one question per visit", she actually called DH back to answer some question and they talked on the phone - I likes. Oh, and the appt was at 6:45pm - yeeeehaw! (One warning flag though - she said "Oh, you'll probably get pg if you stop trying.". Um. I think if I have a prelim appt with her I will tell her that breaks little IF hearts when people say that.)
So I think I am going to switcheroo. The only thing holding me back was the fact that my doc is a 5 min walk from my house, and DH's doc is a 30 min walk... but that is stupid. I can deal with a 30 min walk. (My legs are not broken.)
On to even bigger news - Dr Awesome's office called me today. I have an appt! She started by saying end of March, but I told her I was abroad until mid-April, so I have an appt the week we're back from Asia! She said the first appt will be 1.5-2 hours. I will repeat - 1.5-2 hrs. Yay! That means he must actually want to talk to us (DH has to go to the appt as well - good!) and review our history. The receptionist even said they would possibly do an ultrasound that afternoon.
YAY! We spent a total of like 10 minutes talking to Dr. Bad over the last many months. Prelim appt with Dr Bad was just "Hi, I don't need to see your BBT charts, go for blood work/sonohistogram." Second appt was, "Your tests are ok, call IVF Canada to schedule an IUI". Lame. And seriously, I waited months for each appointment.
Now for the snag - I of course have to get my records transferred to the two new docs - and given how hard it was for them to fax one piece of paper, I am worried this is going to be a monster undertaking. And I leave in two weeks.
Stay tuned. :)
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
I've just been so busy at work lately, it has been non-stop. I'm using all my tricks to not stress out, but I still come home drained. Not good.
I am quite inspired by the Hatter, but I'm not quite sure I''m ready to quit. I feel like I'm still miles away from actually catching. On a good day, I don't mind work so much. On a medium day... not great. On a bad day - aick! Get me out of there!
My boss is getting preggo brain - I thought this was ok, but it has reared it's ugly head. She told me something, and today she has no memory of that and insists on something else. (sigh). It's not the hugest deal, but I look semi-retarded because I have to retract a statement to another group, and it is worrying because she refused to believe me. And she already looks like 8-9 months pg due to the twins. I don't enjoy it. Although this means she's bound to look like a whale, so maybe I will secretly enjoy that. Ha.
I joined the lenten prayer circle! Fun!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
I was super tired after getting in late from Windsor on Sunday night, all day Monday I was super tired and sluggish and anxious. I dragged myself to the gym for a 20min workout on the elliptical - I did notice right after the workout my tongue was pink and lovely! Hrmmm... I should be working out more? Yes. Dr T agrees.
I walked to acupuncture, which was super nice. Dr T did both front and back acupuncture last night - it was great! I felt like a big puddle afterwards. Seriously, I could barely drag my puddle-self home.
I did have some night sweats last night, but I woke up this morning feeling WONDERFUL! Actually energetic! :) Yay, acupuncture!
Seeing the IF ladies on the weekend was really nice - wish I could have stayed longer, but we were on our way out of town. There were some new faces there, that was nice. One new lady said something I thought was so wise - essentially, she wouldn't let them do IVF on her until they proved that what was wrong with her could be overcome by IVF. HELLO!!! It makes so much sense. IVF is hard on the body, is expensive, and often fails. Why not treat the root of the problem?
We were at some friend's house on Sat - they have a 2.5 year old and a ~9 month old. The first one was born before our TTC trouble began, so I feel like they slipped under the radar - I love playing with them, I don't get all crusty around them. And the baby likes me!!! (They kept saying how normally she wouldn't go to strangers... I lapped it right up!) Man. I want a baby!