Friday, August 31, 2012

Still spotting

7 weeks, 5 days

So I was kinda hoping this spotting would be a one-day sorta thing.  Not to be.  I was very surprised this afternoon to see more.  I guessed I had really talked myself into thinking positive!

I am not upset by any comments on my previous post - that is good info to have.  I think it is incredibly UNFAIR you can have a dead baby in your tummy and still be sick - but none of this is about fair, is it?  But thanks for looking out for me, ladies.  :)

There is no statistical evidence that bed rest helps prevent miscarriage... but still I will take it easy this weekend.  I've also been having some abdominal pains, this makes me nervous.  I think I will take St Rita's advice and try to lay flat.  This at least helps with dizziness!

Although odds are, the abdominal pains have something to do with me eating gluten lately.  I haven't had time to mention, the BFP was when I was going to post about gluten, and I've been all caught up since then.  But it seems gluten doesn't affect me straightaway like I thought it was.  I think it is related to my [TMI!] what I think are colon spasms.  So maybe this abdominal pain is related to that?  Well, I'm going to be more careful about gluten now.  I have started to turn into one of the women I never wanted to be - only eating crackers for a few meals because I feel sick.  Not enough nutrition!  Boooo, me!

Now that I don't have to worry about endo, my endo diet is gone away - I am allowing myself goat dairy as I feel like it (trying to be led by cravings).

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Pelvic Rest

7 weeks, 4 days

So I had a wee bit of brown spotting this morning.  I called the doc, and Nurse Cheese said it was ok, but that I should go on Pelvic Rest.

I was like, what the heck is that?  Well, pretty much it means no relations/tampons/lifting.  Ok, can do.  I think everything is still ok (hope!), but I was a bit nervous this afternoon.  Especially because today I haven't been tired/boobs sore/nauseous/dizzy.  And I'm crampy.  But Appleseed I think is still floating merrily away, for I am pretty nauseous now. 

Anyhoo, I'm going to take it easy tonight (ha!  like I wouldn't have anyway!), and going to try and be cautious for the next week or so.  I have another ultra sound booked on Wednesday - thank goodness I decided I want one!  Now I really want one.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Tired. Sleepy. Drowsy.

7 weeks, 2 days

Hello hello!
Sorry, I haven't been in blog land for quite some days now - I am out of the loop!

I decided to put the post about what things I think did and did not help with achieving a BFP up in the pages up top, so it will be easy to access.  Hopefully it will be helpful to someone.

Things seem to be going well.  I haven't had too much morning sickness - quite bad last Monday at work, but it faded eventually without me caving in and leaving.  I seem to get dizzy quite easily.  (I'm dizzy now, for instance).  My theory is my morning sickness Monday was extra bad because I hadn't taken my B vitamins on the weekend (we were away).  We shall see if that pattern holds.

In general, I've been TIRED.  Out of control tired.  And I haven't stayed up past 10pm, it is just extra tiredness.   I was barely able to function yesterday morning.  Most of last weekend away car camping, I just wanted to sit or lie down.

But I'm enjoying it all.  :)  I am appreciating every day!  7 weeks, 1 day was a blessing (yesterday), as is 7 weeks 2 days (today).  And if I don't get nauseous/dizzy for a day or two, I start to worry little Appleseed is ok in there, so I really don't mind a bit.  No bleeding at all yet (PTL), so that is good!  :)

Friday, August 17, 2012


5 weeks, 5 days

Short version:  We have a heartbeat.   Yay! (you can skip all the blah blah blah below)

Long version:

It being the day before my birthday, DH made me a lovely pre-birthday breakfast this morning, including freshly-squeezed juice and potato latkes!

So the day got off to a nice start.  We got to the RE's office promptly at 9:30am - holy lineup batman!  I've never waited there so long.  We didn't go in until like 10:45.

Then, despite having emptied my bladder twice, after getting all half naked and up on the fancy chair, I had to go empty it again.

All of this waiting and delay really made both of us quite nervous.  In the waiting room DH had been all super confident everything was going to be OK, but even he started to weaken.  Me, I don't like to tempt fate or count my chickens or any of that jazz.

Finally she started the ultrasound, and I could only see an empty sac.  This part was TERRIFYING.  I was freaking out inside.  Inside I was crying for my Appleseed.  The tech was saying nothing, just measuring.  My heart was breaking.

But then the doc came bustling in, showed us the yolk sac, and pointed out the embryo.  Our embryo!  He pointed out that the heart was beating, but said it was too faint to measure - either I ovulated a bit late, or we're in a few days too early to get a good heartbeat reading.

It was so weird.  Instead of that being great, we were both just like "Ok....?".

The doc said he was happy and we should come back in two weeks. 

I cried in the car on the way home, several times.  Something about it all has left me feeling like I've been through the wringer.  I was trying not to worry or stress about it, but when I saw what I thought was an empty sac.... I just freaked.  All sorts of terrible thoughts ran through my head.  I haven't been having too many pg symptoms, which was starting to slightly worry me, and I was thinking this would be due to there being no baby.

Isn't that ridiculous?  I should be dancing in the streets.  But I feel kind of delicate and sick and sad.  I guess I will blame this mood on pg hormones?

I'm so sorry ladies.  I expected to write an excited happy heartbeat post, but I'm still so sad.  I think my heart broke on that table, and it didn't instantly mend like I think it ought to.  I'm so thankful and so blessed this is actually happening, I can't quite understand why I'm not delirious with joy right now.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Napro Intro Session!

5 weeks, 3 days

DH and I went to the NaPro Intro session on Monday night! (And guess who was the presenter?  Dr Nora!  Hahaha - DH was not impressed.) I did not decided to start with the program given our current status, but if this doesn't work out, I want to be ready to start NaPro then.  I don't want to count my chickens before they're hatched and just assume everything is going to be ok.  (I did wrangle out of Dr Nora what NaPro will do for you while you're pg, and I plan on talking to my midwife about that)

There were some IF couples there, and I wanted to tell them how NaPro would be good for them, good for their health, etc.... but I don't know, I felt bad.  An IF lady gave me a really dirty look (I think she heard me tell Dr Nora we're pg), so I didn't butt into their conversation after the class.

It's a funny place to be in - I still feel almost like an imposter reading all these preggo books (which I have been longing to read for so many years now!).  And yet I feel tremendously guilty that I've left behind some of my favourite IF ladies.

I've been feeling quite tired and a bit dizzy now and then - but yesterday I felt fine, which started to freak me out.  Is my little Appleseed ok in there? I finally had to talk some sense into myself. Just because we were wildly IF doesn't mean the pg won't go well.  I have no data showing I am not good at pg - it is unknown.  So really worrying about it at this stage is not productive, I should just focus on the positive.

Friday we go for heartbeat check.  Ai ya!  It is the day before my birthday, and I've decided to work from home.  If it is bad news, I won't be able to face work, I'm sure of it.  Best/worst birthday news ever coming up!  And then we have a trip back to my home city this weekend, so either we bring good/bad news with us.  My Mom is coming too, so we'll have to figure out when/if to tell her.  Pretty much once we tell her the cat's out of the bag.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

2nd beta good!

4 weeks, 3 days

2nd beta results today - it doubled!  It was 770-something.  Can you believe I can't remember the exact number?  Anyhoo, it was slightly over doubling, so I am happy.  (first beta was 349)

Nurse Cheese said to me this morning "How did you manage to do this?" and I was kind of like, "Um, this is how bodies are supposed to work, lady!  How I was not managing to do it before is what the real question is!", but instead I just smiled and said "A miracle."

Next stop, heart beat!  We will check the day before my birthday - this could be the best/worst birthday ever!

I've been so tired.  But it is cool - I just like to think to myself, "This is the baby's way of saying slow down, take it easy."  So I do.  I slept like 10 hours last night, and was still tired for times today.  Is ok.  I don't mind, of course!

My boss is back.  Yes, it is already ramping up to be as bad as I thought it would.  Sigh.  There was this big long drama about how we've planned things to work this generation today.  I don't mind technical discussions, but the tone is very urgent and "you're doing this wrong"-ish.  Bah.  I am SO lucky and thankful now I can think, "Deep breaths, no sense in upsetting baby.  I am outta here in 9 months."

My Dad is already quite concerned about me going to Vietnam at Christmas.  It is sort of cute.  He said, "Your Mom had kind of an iffy pregnancy with you, you know."  I'm not sure that is relevant, but it is nice he is concerned.  I am also slightly concerned, so am planning on following my midwife's advice.  Singing at Carnegie Hall in February might be out too.  We'll see.

Monday, August 6, 2012

1st beta is good!

4 weeks, 1 day
It's on.

Progesterone level is 127.


I'll take it!

I can't believe it!  Can this really be happening?!

When the nurse told me the numbers over the phone, I was immediately nauseous - proving once and for all my nauseousness is often tied to my emotions (this time being very happy, instead of my usual very sad about no baby).  (I've certainly felt nauseous often enough in the last three years, and certainly have not been pg).

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Midwife secured!

4 Weeks, 0 days

First of all, I am still pretty much in shock.  I cannot believe this is real!  I've been checking every day, and yup, there is still a line this morning (faint still)!  Wow.  I am so THANKFUL!  I can't believe this is ME.  Wow.

Here's how it went down on Friday:
-After I took my morning temp, DH rolled over and said, "Why don't you test today?".  This is highly unusual, he never says to test.  Later he told me he'd had a dream that I was pg earlier in the week, and he'd had this 'feeling'.  Which I did not share.  I felt totally normal.

So I tested.  And I saw a faint second line!  My very first thought was, "Great, I'm so IF I'm hallucinating."  I called DH upstairs to look at it - and he saw a second line too!  HOORAY!

I've been dreaming about having one of the midwives from my alto section be my midwife for ever.  So  I went to Church today, and she slipped in at the back.  DH looked back and said, "She knows".  I was like, "How could she know?".

But she knew.  During the pass the peace, I said to her, "Hey, there is something I'd like to talk to you after the service about." and she got a big smile on her face, and she said "How about now?".  We walked out to the ladies parlour, and cried and hugged a bit.  I asked her if she would be my midwife, and she said yes, and we cried and hugged a bit more.

It was really great.  I've been thinking about how that conversation would go for over  year now (since I joined the choir).  Yippee! I was kind of worried she'd be like "Um, I want to sing with you, not be all up in your vajay", but she was smiling and nodding as I asked. 

We were kind of like, "Uh, what's next?".  What's next is I will call her midwifery centre today or tomorrow and give them my details.  (Having a midwife instead of a doctor is very popular here, among the educated set).

I know this could end badly, I'm trying to be realistic.  So while I did run out to the library and get loads of preggo books to read, we're not doing anything silly like going to buy baby goods or anything.  The midwife was also cautious.  We'll see how the blood test goes.

I pretty much had no symptoms before testing.  So it goes to show you!  I was pretty tired a few times, but this isn't unheard of for me in general.  And of course boobs were sore, which is every month.  So I was dead wrong about having to feel 'so different' and then I would know I'm pg.

I wish all of you still waiting could be on the flip side too.  I really really wish it.  I never really thought I'd be over here.

I'm here to stay.

Hello Ladies!

I had once said that if I ever got pg I would branch off and create a new blog about being pg.  I have since changed my mind.  I've decided to stay.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised I want to keep in touch with my IF bloggers.  After most bloggers caught I continue to read (JBTC always makes me smile, for example - can't give it up!).  I dropped a few.  I understand if you want to drop me, no hard feelings.

And leaving really would be counting my chickens before they are hatched.  This is a very very early first pregnancy, there is a chance it won't work out, and I'll need the support of my IF bloggers in that case.

So I'm going to keep blogging.  I will try to not be obnoxious.  Let me know if I am being obnoxious.

If you are still trying - you are in my thoughts/prayers.  And let us know forget those who don't have partners yet.  After I saw the second line, one of my first thoughts was about JB - I wish we could be doing this together.

Love you all! 

Friday, August 3, 2012

Beeeeeeeeee Efffffffffff Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh.

I have literally stopped even expecting to be pregnant, ever.
I am?!?!?!

Insane.  It hasn't sunk in yet.  I keep hyperventilating when I think about it, then DH says "Calm down.  Drink some water."

For those just joining us, this is the first time I've ever seen that second line.  So even if it doesn't stick, this is a major milestone.

You would think I would be really excited, but I'm shock!  I don't believe it.  Is it possible my body is working like it is supposed to?

Thursday, August 2, 2012

IF Book Review: "The Garden of Fertility"


First I'd like to say I am in no way associated with this book, I just borrowed a copy from my local library.

I think this is probably a GREAT book to read if you're not doing NaPro.  Not having done the Napro intro session yet, I am pretty sure the techniques will be taught there.  They pretty much say they are the same as NaPro, but without a religious angle - and that may fit better with some people, so if that's you, I encourage you to pick it up at your local library.

It clearly outlines how to chart most effectively, and how to read your charts, what else besides fertile/non-fertile days your charts are telling you.  At the very least it renewed my vigor for charting - I use the Ovuview app on my phone, but I had been slacking (it does all that fancy coverline stuff for you).  I knew how to chart before, but reading this has refined what I knew - in a good way.  :)  I'm actually looking forward to charting my next full cycle!

It has a chapter on fertility and night-lighting, which is the whole reason I got the book out in the first place.  That was certainly informative, but I would have preferred a little more detail.  Like - would it be better to try and line up with the full moon?  How would one go about that?  I was speaking about this with my Aunt yesterday, and she mentioned she knew your cycle lined up with the moon because back-to-the-land-dykes (her words, not mine) had told her so - and apparently it doesn't take too long to switch?  I have another book coming which further expounds on this 'night lighting is screwing us all up' theme.

There is even a section on healing child loss, which I skipped, but I think is great to include in a book about charting and TTC/preventing pregnancy. 

They do go on a bit about fertility and food, and she is a huge fan of the Weston Price style of healthy eating - which I have to admit, I think makes a lot of sense.  Her suggestions are pretty general, and as an IF veteran it wasn't new to me (gosh, transfats are bad?  You don't say!), but having an extra reminder never hurts.

In general, I think this sort of book is good - it is all about taking charge of your own fertility, and not necessarily relying on what others tell you.  What are you waiting for?  Go borrow it!  :)

Appleseed grows

Lilypie Maternity tickers