Monday, August 29, 2011

Oh what a tangled web we weave...

So I was at DH's family's on the weekend, and his youngest-uncle's-wife was showing me pictures of her great-nieces - (fraternal) twins.  Turns out they are "test tube babies" as he said - which I take to mean IVF.

So we're talking about IVF in Hong Kong vs Taiwan, how expensive it is ($200 000 HKD!), and how Taiwan has better technology, etc etc, and I realized - wait - I am having this discussion like I normally have it, pretending it doesn't apply to me, but they actually do know we're IF and it does apply to me! They are telling me all this because they think I should/will eventually do IVF.  But we don't want to.  But we haven't really discussed our IVF policy with DH's family, they just know we've been trying.

And I'm also thinking - Oh, good thing DH's cousin Kay will be doing IVF in Taiwan not HK - but then I have to remember I don't think that is public knowledge, and not to let it slip.

So I felt very turned around they all this truthing/untruthing.  I don't like all this lying I do normally when I breezily say, "Oh, maybe we'll have kids next year, after we're done our reno" (have said this for two years now) - but sad fact is, I can't actually say that 'we're trying' without tearing up, and it just isn't appropriate in most circumstances.  Like I even leaked a few when I told Dr Nora, who is a medical professional, and probably assumed that is why I was there anyway.

So that is my story.  I hope IF we ever catch, I can be brave and shout from the rooftops how long it took us, and how painful that was - but I'm not sure I will be able to. 

So I will leave you with a link to the youtube video you've probably already seen (I know I've seen it at least 5 times), but it makes me cry (like in an "Aw that's so beautiful!" way) every time!  (Like, I pretty much cried for 5 minutes when I watched it on the weekend, gearing up for my cousin's wedding coming up this weekend!)

Oh!  And HUGE congrats to Tishi on the birth of her new baby girl Sadie!  Can't wait to hear the birth story!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Appt booked to discuss IUI

I didn't really know I would need an appt to discuss IUI with the doc, but it appears I do!

When I called up the office to say I'd like to do an IUI next cycle, the lady was like, "Do you want injectable meds or pills?", and I was like, "Um, neither?  Can I do a natural cycle?" and then things started to get confusing, and she suggested I book an appt to talk to Dr A about my options.

Problem is, he's not free until Sept 6th.  And given my un-predictable cycle length, I could be anywhere from CD1 to CD5 on that day!  Oops!  DH was nagging me to call them earlier, and I was like "Why?  I pretty much just have to call them on CD1, right?", but I think it isn't very common for them to do unmedicated cycles, so maybe a good idea to talk it over first.

Cause I'd like to take progesterone.  I (and Dr Nora, more importantly) still think I have low progesterone in my luteal phase.  And I'd like them to continue to cycle monitor me even after ovulation.  Which they don't normally do.  Can I whine and they'll do it?  Dr Nora said she'd call them up and persuade them if need be - which is comforting, but does sound a bit dramatic, given that I think most medical docs think Naturopaths are just Shamans, I think he's likely to ignore her? 

Well, let's see how this all shakes down.  I like having a plan for next cycle, at the very least.  Technically this will only be the second month DH's numbers are up, one could argue we should wait 3-6 months... but I feel that is too long if there are other problems that need to be addressed.  And most importantly, September was our original cutoff (aka, trying for two years - we said we'd start pursueing adoption after two years, but now I'm not sure we're ready yet), so it is very important mentally to be doing something drastic.

2nd appt

I had my 2nd appt with Dr Nora yesterday.  It was interesting.  She's almost a bit scatter-brained - I feel like we were mostly talking about general health (energy, sleep), and not much at all about IF.  Like IF would naturally go away if I took care of the others?  Or are we still thinking it's all DH? 

She recommended some herbs/vitamins and things.  I've been feeling better generally for the last week or so, hopefully it keeps up!  (or as I've come to think of  it, gradually my adrenals are being restored).

DH and I had a REALLY lovely mini-vacation on the weekend - we stayed at a B&B, we went on an amazing hike in the pouring rain on Sunday!  That really calms me down.  I wish I could go for such a thing every weekend.  I think it is some combination of the fresh air and the trees (and I suppose the exercise isn't hurting any).  Lovely!

I am CD20 today, but this is the first cycle in a long time I have no real idea when I ovulated, all signs point to that it's over by now.  I'm also sort of in an easy-breezy kind of mood lately, so I wasn't paying too much attention.  I tried Dr Nora's method of figuring it out, but it didn't seem to work for me.  Maybe I will have to take a class?  She wasn't so impressed I didn't know.

I will try to call sometime this week to talk IUI for next cycle.  And DH has an appt booked with Dr Nora as well - while his volume is up, we still need to work on motility and morphology.  I will prob go to his appt with him.

Friday, August 19, 2011

74.4 Million reasons to say "YAY!"

So, the results are in after DH's surgery - and they're good!  DH's numbers have come up dramatically.  From 34.9mil to 86.7mil to 74.4mil.  Yay!

Motility is still a bit low at ~30% (should be >50%), but there was progress there too.  And Morphology is still low at 15%, up from 10% (should be >30%).  So I think we should be in a good range for IUI next cycle.

Which begs the question - if DH's counts have been up since July, and that is supposedly all that was wrong with us... um, where's the baby?!?

Also good news is that a good IF lady 'E' is 'back in the game' after a disappointing early miscarriage.  I think it will work out for her - she's really done a serious lifestyle change!

I had my birthday this week, but I don't care in terms of IF.  It's our second anniversary that is looming, that I think I may freak out on.  That will officially be two years of IF.  Poot.

Anyhoo, to continue my 'birthday week', we're heading up to a B&B in the country this weekend and planning on doing lots of hiking, it will be CD15, good chances!  :)

I keep having baby dreams, but the babies are never mine lately.  Like I had this dream that I woke up, and all these puppies and babies were in our apartment  - and I got to work trying to return them.  Like, what the hay?  hahahahh.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

I should know better.

Than to watch sappy fertility videos onlines

It wasn't even really sappy.   And it was sort of a commercial for REs (which is weird, and I'm kinda against).  But right at the end, a wee tear leaks out, then I go to hug DH, and the floodgates open.

And here I am thinking I am so blase about IF lately.

In more exciting news:  Jenn seems to have adopted!  Wow!  That is great.  Can't wait to hear the whole story.  I feel like I've heard a lot of rotten adoption stories lately, this one obvi turned out well!

Next cycle I think we'll IUI.  When do you have to call your doc to set that up?  CD1 ok for the cycle you want to do?  Anyone know?

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Please exit this fun ride through the lavatory.

Well ladies, this extradinary cycle was quite a fun ride, but alas, spotting started yesterday.

It was still a really weird cycle.  No boob soreness, no cramping 'period pimple'.... due to oil pulling?  Stress?  Lack of stress?  What is going on!?!?

I had the worst day on Friday.  I felt like I would burst into tears if "one more bad things happened" - but of course I didn't, as bad things did seem to keep happening all day (even minor setbacks were really killing me).  Man, work is really tough/stressful again.  I think all of August is going to be like this.  I feel like it is just heading into torture when I go in the morning, and when I get home I am super drained.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

A.P.B. out on Aunt Flo...or a second line!

Has anyone seen my Aunt Flo?  About yea high?  Identifiable by her snarky attitude and tattoos?
I did threaten her, maybe she's scared of me.

She's missing.  Was due here several days ago.  Normally she also brings luggage of boob-soreness, which is also missing.


No spotting!
No two lines!

Sometimes today in the bathroom I was like "AWESOME!  Still no spotting!", and other times I purt-near forgot about it!

Either way it turns out, this is one for the record books.  I think I am going into pretend-preggo mode.  Where I don't actually think I am, but will at least make food choices as if I was.  Who knows, this could be as close as I get, might as well enjoy it!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Still a single liner...

But no sign of AF yet.  Not even spotting.  Every time I went to the bathroom today I steeled myself for some spotting - but none yet!  Boobs still don't hurt.  Am I maybe missing a period?  Or just an historically long cycle?  Only time will tell. (And POAS again tomorrow - I might as well, I have tons of the things, I don't normally use them, I rely on good ol' AF)


Anyhoo, first appt with Dr Nora today.  That was interesting!  She is confident she can make me more energetic, sleep better, better skin, and potentially knocked up.  That is good.  But, my old TCM doc was also super confident... so I am only cautiously optimistic.  I will wait a few months and see how I do.

I had been dreading the appointment last night - there were so many forms to fill out, and you know, explaining yourself AGAIN to another doctor... bah.  But it was of course ok.  (I must say Dr Nora is in QUITE a posh neighbourhood in the City!  Woah!  I forget there are people like that!)

Monday, August 1, 2011

Camping was GREAT!


Camping was really wonderful.  I love camping.  I don't know why I don't do it more.  It is WONDERFUL to get out of the city!  It takes me about two days to fully stop caring about work.  I wish we'd have had another day, we didn't actually get any hiking in.

I didn't do much exercise, come to think of it - we were 3 to a canoe, and I was in the 'princess seat' (aka, in the middle not paddling) most of the time.  But I don't care.  I feel great.  It was great.  I think it's all the fresh air and trees!

It was also nice to see so many friends!  I did do quite a lot of baby-holding, and a fair bit of toddler-distraction, but that inevitable.  There wasn't one single question about when we'd be having our own - I'm pretty sure my friends have figured it out.  But I don't care.  Truth is, I love holding babies.  WAY more fun than breaking down tents, right?

CD27, no sign of AF yet.  That's good.  I don't expect her for a day or two.  I had some yicky cramping this morning, was sure she was on her way, but she hasn't shown yet.  Oh - and totally weird.  Boobs are not sore at all.  It is CD27 (normally they start to hurt like 1-2 days after ovulation - so maybe I didn't ovulate?).  My average cycle length is 27.0, but there is a 10% chance (passed on the last 25 cycles) spotting will start tomorrow.  So I'm trying not to get my hopes up.  But this is when the Aunt makes it tricky!  But most likely is that I didn't ovulate - since this cycle is so weird.

Appleseed grows

Lilypie Maternity tickers