Saturday, January 29, 2011

Time for more theories - they make me feel better.

So, I've been reading about endometriosis.

I came across this:
Another hypothesis [about why endo occurs] is that anatomic abnormalities such as retroverted uteri [which I have!] and small cervical openings [which I have!] do not allow the blood to pass through freely, and it therefore backs up into other areas of the pelvis.

Hrmmm.  Makes you think, eh?
(Not that I'm abandoning my busted cervix theory - there still is the matter of pH)

So, as part of my 'plan', I was planning on moving down to 1 acu/month, but staying with the herbs this month, since it has been three months of acu and no baby, and it is starting to add up.

But maybe I am chickening out.  I LIKE going to see Dr T.  And if it takes months to see a good RE... I need to be doing something in the meantime.  Or if I can see a 'bad' RE right away - I'll need at least one medical professional in my life that pays attention and wants to sort me out, not just push me into expensive treatment.

And this AF did go rather well.  Less spotting than normal.  Less brown, more red.

Ok, let's see what Monday brings.  I plan on doing more research then trying to call a few RE offices.  
Has anyone tried to book with more than one RE, so you can be trying something out with one while you're waiting for another?  Like, if Dr #1 will take you in 7 months, but is reported to be excellent, you hang out with Dr #2 for the next 7 months, not wasting 7 cycles?

More babies on the way

So tonight at DH's bday party, there was a four month old baby here.  Fine.  She's cute.

BUT, another couple also just announced that they're expecting!!!!  Tonight!  Ah!  Just now!  Right here!

It was baby baby baby baby all night.  Man, I couldn't wait for everyone to leave.  Then I leaked a few.  Poor DH, having a downer wifey on his bday!

They did sort of mention they've been trying for a while, so... that's good.  Maybe they 'earned' it.  But man, if I find out 'a while' is like four months, I'll be...more jealous.  But they are a bit older, so really it might have been a few years.  But then what is 'trying' - just not using BC?  Or were they going hardcore like us?  They already have 12 year old twin girls who are super cute, but they had them rather young.

I think I'm upset because I started researching REs.  Why does it seems like most of them/their staff suck?  Seriously.  Even the potentially really good ones have several really bad reviews.  Why do we put up with this level of care?   And I may have to wait 7 MONTHS to see a highly rated RE?  There goes our pretty "2011 CS IF Plan" out the window! 

Ho hum.
I'm going to go order a crate of PreSeed.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Quite Reasonable

First off, I would like to say, Thank you IF ladies for all your suggestions and words of encouragement on Wednesday!  Mrs Hatter, I had no idea you were local - for some reason this makes your potential interaction with the famous Dr Sami so much more exciting!

So, I don't know what it is - but I've been feeling very un-stressed and quite reasonable about everything for the last two days.

It isn't diet - I've been even eating some junk food in the all day meetings I was in Tues-Thurs.  And today was cake day at work.
It isn't exercise - I did some, but nothing extreme to warrant such a change.  (Ashamed to say tonight was the first time in over a month I was really out of breath)
Acupuncture?  Maybe.  But last I had it was Monday.
Tuning out during a good portion of yesterday's meetings?  Yes, that might be it....

Anyhoo, it is a wonderful state.  Nothing is really bothering me. 

Traffic on the way home?  Meh - I'll get there when I get there.
Big party tomorrow and house is still a wreck?  Ah, no prob, I'm sure we'll have plenty of time tomorrow to clean.  Look at me blogging right now instead of cleaning the kitchen.  La la la.
Measurements went wrong at work?  Drag, we'll just have to adjust, man.
Not getting the right data I need from someone at work?  Well, I'll just ask them again tomorrow.
Having to move a meeting four times because someone can't use Outlook?  Ok, that did piss me off slightly, but I made a note of it, and moved on.
Having to pick a new RE?  Yes, that will be arduous, but it is necessary, we'll do it.
Exhausted at IKEA and they are out of our colour of drawers we wanted to buy?  Oh well, we'll have the other colour.

Why can't I always be like this????  Even though I try to have these relaxed and logical responses all the time, I am usually so much more stressy about things.  Well, I'm going to try and keep the relaxed thought process. 

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Well, look who it is....

Our old friend AF.

Ok, so I guess it is time to focus on getting in shape/pH/IUI.  (sigh)
Even though I kind of expected her, I'm still... I don't know, feeling a bit off right now.  You know.

Anyone have any good fertility clinic suggestions in the GTA?
Dr T recommended one, the Hannam clinic.

Monday, January 24, 2011


So normally I would wait to post until after my acupuncture appt tonight, but I'm so upset....

So today in a meeting with my boss, we were discussing two weeks ago when we'd really clashed over a few things and I think we were both really frustrated with each other, she told me I had an attitude problem.

She also made sure to mention that not only was my potential future promotion contingent on technical knowledge, it was also contingent on attitude.

Like, joke's on you, I don't CARE if I get promoted, I just want to get preggo and get the heck out of dodge!

But one doesn't say that in such meetings.  I tried to give her some feedback about what in her behaviour had contributed to our clashes, but she paid no attention, she continued to do no wrong.  Ugh.  She even said, "I don't know if you were having problems in your personal life or what, but..." - like, yeah, my entire life since about July has been one huge personal problem!

I worry my job really is too stressful for me, and I've tried to bring this up a few times, and she seems to understand at the time, but I don't think she gets it.  She really does live for work, ok for her, but I don't want to do that.

If we are starting adoption in September and it may take two years after that.... do I want to work there that long?  The money is good is a serious reason to stay... and again, a promotion would mean more money, which is better for my family (we're really trying to sock it away now in preparation of me potentially not working), but is it worth it?!?

Augh!  I am violating my 'do not think about work at home' rule tonight!  Augh!  I do not enjoy confrontation, and I'm sure I'll be replaying this in my head all night.  Hopefully Dr T can release this stress with a needle!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Plan for AF

So I'm pretty sure AF will come this month.  I'm even trying to convince myself it would be ok if she comes, to have a normal cycle after last month's shenangans.  Regardless:

My plan for when AF comes is twofold:

1.  Try to somehow lower my pH.  I've got a book from the library on the way about how foods affect your pH, but we'll see.  While I normally am all for hippies, the whole pH diet craze thing doesn't make sense to my scientific side  (lemons rasise your pH? what?).  At the very least, I will forego my decaf coffee and tea, I do think those affect pH.  (Forego only until after ovulation - then give me the occasional decaf coffee with high fat goat's milk, please!)

2.  Get back into shape.  Over the last many months (since my half marathon in September) I have been slowly getting out of shape.  Part of it is being easy on my body (more yoga, not wanting to run and jostle a potential embryo, which may or may not be stupid), some of it is Winter, but a large part of it is lazy.  I don't think this is good. 
  • If AF comes this month, that's it, we're aiming toward a May-timeframe IUI.  I think it would be better if my body is strong and healthy come May, not weak and stressy and tired like it is now. 
  • And if a few IUIs don't work out - well, better to be in shape in general.  Both to withstand what will likely be an arduous adoption process, and... well, I'm a firm believer in diet and lifestyle going a long way towards health and longevity.  My Mom is super unhealthy, and I do think that if she'd eaten healthy and excersised, she would have a tenth the problems she has now.  I do think that excersise can help heal the body as well.
I don't yet have a plan about how to get in shape.  I suppose I have several more days (about 3-5, I'm guessing) to figure that out.  I've been very wimpy about running outside in the cold this winter.

Oh, and I have decided to do the Yoga class on Fridays with my local IF ladies.  I was sort of stressy about this for a few days, since it really means turning my schedule upside down on Fridays, which means there are two nights a week I run my life around IF, which was starting to really hit home that my only hobby these days is IF... but I talked to my boss, she's ok with my skipping out super early on Friday, if I come in early, I just have to figure out if its better to drive or take the bus that day.  I thought about it, and the chance to hang with the IF posse every friday night for eight weeks is too delish to pass up!  :)

7DPO:  Vivid dreams are in full swing, and boobs are medium sore.  Skin is poor.  I'm going to go eat some pineapple.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Pew Pew Pew Pew

That is my acidic CM killing all my DH's nice spermies. 

Pew Pew Pew

Dr T confirmed that my CM should indeed be changing pH as the big O-day arrives.  It did not.

On the bright side, my chart is looking good this month so far, she thinks this could be it...but I don't quite see how with such acidic CM. 

And so begins the 2WW.  On the bright side side, tomorrow begins luteal phase yoga, which will be a nice change from "crazy" ovulatory phase yoga.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Ugh. Another new baby.

So I am taken fully off guard by the arrival of yet another newborn.  A friend of mine that was in my class in University just had a baby girl - and I didn't even know she was preggo!

I HATE that.  It makes the whole thing seem sooo easy.  Just poof!  And here is a baby.

And the baby really is pretty. 

At least it has a stupid name.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Ovulation Staycation!

So this month my likely ovulation days fall on a weekend (ahem, this weekend).  Originally we were thinking of doing a little weekend getaway, but that has morphed into wanting to just do a staycation - we love our house and our bed, and we're still slightly traumatized from Christmas.

So here we are!  We've been eating oysters for the last few nights, and this weekend is mostly about relaxing and having fun - and with a few errands that had to get thrown in.  We couldn't go off the grid 100%.  But we're mostly good.

I have seen some CM egg whites - but my pH is not good.  I will continue to check, of course, since checking pH is like my favourite thing, I highly recommend it.  And I swear my cervical position/texture is wrong, but I suppose I need a few cycles to know what to compare to.

Oh, and hilariously - since I've been off caffeine for over a year, I have no tolerance for it anymore.  This morning some caffeinated beans were mixed in with my decaf (like maybe 25% max) - and ALL day I was jazzy.  I was actually shaky all morning at work, then until about 5:00pm I was hyper.  I mean, sure, lunch was meg fun with the boys, but I was a little over the top.  (CL brought in goat cheese - wheeeeeee).  I'm still a bit too energetic - I wonder how I'll sleep tonight!  This probably isn't the best thing to have done on what is possibly the day before ovulation...oops....
I did get a chance to use my new fav word ("drag") at work today.  I have the goal of continuing to use this word every day next week at work.  Instead of joining everyone freaking out when it turned out something we thought was 125 was really 85, I was all like, "Yeah, what a drag.  We'll have to re-plan."  Yay!  NOT freaking out every day (many times a day on some days!) at work will be good for me, I'm sure.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

FINALLY my Fertility Yoga DVD Arrives!

Seriously, I ordered this schmazoo in like mid-November!

Dr T recommended this particular fertility Yoga DVD, so I'm going to try it out.  What I find neat, is that there is a different set of poses for each of the four monthly phases.  Frankly, I felt a bit silly this morning doing some of the poses - it is not like any Yoga I've done before.

So it does have me a bit bummed out today - there are two options:
a.  "Like, doing all that silly yoga every morning was totally worth it to catch preggo!"
b.  "Wow, what a waste of time an energy, and here we are adopting anyway..."

Obviously I'd like to hope for the first, but I think I'm getting some of those January blues, so this morning I was more thinking of the latter.  I was kind of bummed.  But they sent some free LH test strips along with it, so I checked for fun today - it is funny the things I look forward to these days!  That sort of cheered me up (it was not positive, but I think that is because it is too early in the cycle, that's ok).

Speaking of which, I am still not really detecting much CM, and what I find has a pH that would kill spermies right away...but it is still not ovulation yet, so I'm trying to be patient.

DH's man business is actually a little too high in pH, potentially.... just in case he's been having extra vitamin C.  Hahah - I'm really having a bit too much fun with pH testing, I think!  The (fun factor)/(fertility dollars spent) on those test strips is super high!  :)

Saturday, January 8, 2011

The 2011 CS IF Plan

So I thought I'd share our current plan for 2011, in terms of IF.

Until we get a BFP:

Jan:  test CM, pay attention to position, mucus and pH.  No preseed this month, since we want to measure my native pH levels.
Feb:  keep trying.  Potentially pause acupuncture, depending on Jan results.  Potentially take Mucinex, depending on Jan results.
Mar:  keep trying. "
Apr: Vacation in Taiwan.  Keep trying.
May: IUI (I want to wait until after such a big vacation, because of traveling stress and the huge time change - I'm not great at 12hr time changes, it will potentially really throw me off).  Will do acupuncture during IUI.
Jun: Another IUI.
Jul:  Another IUI?
Aug:  Adoption time.  Local or international, we're not sure yet.  If we do International, we are thinking of Haiti.  Much research needs to be done in this area, I know basically nothing still.

So, that's the plan!  Hahahha.  We'll see how things really go - I know plans are never really followed.

We've decided (at this point), IVF will not be for us.  For us needing IVF is a sign that we should adopt.  I mean, having our own biological baby would be great, but in the end, the goal is a baby, and I'm sure there is a local or Haitian baby out there that needs us.  :)  I wish the adoption process wouldn't take so long, part of me thinks we should kick it off now, but I still have hope we'll be able to conceive.

This probably isn't such a popular viewpoint, but we feel needing IVF maybe means that we were meant to adopt.  I mean, there are lots of little Haitian babies out there that could use homes (I think?  Excuse my total lack of adoption reality at this point.), how do you know if you should adopt them, unless your hand is sort of forced?  In general, I don't really live by 'it was meant to be' type statements, but in this case, it is such a big deal.... my rules bend in that regard.  This would be a way of seeing God's plan for us, I think.

Why is IUI different than IVF?  Because it is easier and cheaper - I am aware of the irony, it is still certainly assisted reproduction.  Because it will jump my potentially busted cervix, which I did to myself, there was no divine plan there.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

It's getting hot in here! (So hot!) So take off all your

luteal phase herbs!
(I am, getting so hot, I want to take all my luteal phase herbs off!)


So, Dr T was NOT pleased with my ultra-short cycle of last month, and also I have not mentioned, but AF was LIGHT!  Not good.  Too light, too short - way worse off than I was before the acupuncture/herbs!

She was perplexed, but by the time she came back in to take out the needles she had a theory - my luteal phase herbs are way too hot for me.  She's going to adjust my formula.  I think this makes sense.  The sore boobs and ultra bad skin at/after ovulation are new, the herbs look to be to blame.  And one cannot get preggo with such a thin uterine lining - I think my regular AF was just fine, thank you.

A teensy bit scary - how much these herbs really can screw with you, so they really are doing something!

So I'm sticking with it, hoping this month with adjusted luteal  phase herbs will be back to normal at the least!  And I still blame that fever for screwing things up last month, at least a bit.

Dr. T does think there may be something to my cervical mucus gland cryosurgery theory.  So we'll see.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

This month's feature focus: CM

So every month that we don't conceive, I try to focus on a new area that could be affecting our fertility.  Thanks to the A.R.T of Babymaking, I am now not feeling like this last month was wasted, it was a step in a process.

This month I am zeroing in on: Cervical Mucus!

I have always felt my CM just wasn't quite right - I have never noticed egg whites or anything remotely like that.  Due to my propensity for acidic foods, I am worried my CM is too acidic during pre-ovulation.  So today I settled down to buy some pH tests strips.  I'd been thinking about doing this for many moons, so I am finally thinking now might be a good time to get off the pot.

And when looking up what one's CM pH should be before/after/during ovulation, I come across this (excepted from here):

Abnormal cervical mucus can result from any process that interferes with the function of cervical glands (mucus is produced by these glands). This includes surgery to the cervix with destruction or removal of glands. These surgeries include cryosurgery (freezing), conization (removal of a cone shaped segment) or LEEP (cauterizing loop electrode removal of a segment) of the cervix for an abnormal pap smear.

Well, shiver me timbers!  Why am I just finding this out now?!  I HAD cryosurgery of my cervix a few years ago.  As soon as I read that I was furious.  And the surgery did not go as it was supposed to go.  Instead of "mild cramping" I felt "a dozen steak knives up my hoo haa" (and some mild cramping).

The mean old lady doctor who performed it assured me there would be no effect on my fertility.  When I mentioned it to my doctor here, he dismissed it right away. all does seem to fit together.  So this month I am going to pay a lot more attention to my CM than I have been.  I've been not really testing it since it is sort of a bother and a bit gross, but it is time for me to buck up.  If it turns out I do get a nice pH and egg whites, I was wrong, that is fine, I'll move on.  But if my pH doesn't turn and I get no egg whites... I'm looking at you cervical cryosurgery!

This would mean an IUI should do us.  Which is good.  I feel hopeful.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year!

And CRAZY Day 23!

I woke up at 4am and lost all of last night's dinner over the next couple of hours - those were some bad times.  Then I had a low fever all day and was SUPER achy.  By the evening my fever had steadily crept up to 39.16'C, so I took some ibuprofen and that put a stop to it.  My fever broke just in time to ring in the New Year.  I then had some serious night sweats that night. 

My DH and I missed our NYE party with my friends (too bad, I was really looking forward to it!), we just stayed home and watched the ball drop with some (seriously nasty) non-alcoholic champagne.  My DH was an amazing nurse - I am such a lucky gal!  I was pretty pathetic all day, the few switches I made from the couch to the bed were a huge deal.

Well, at least I wasn't obsessed with fertility on Day 23 - I was more thinking about how much my legs hurt and how hot I was!

AF is here today.  Super early since she usually arrives day 27 very consistently.  I am surprisingly not that upset.  Things were bad yesterday, it is VERY unusual for me to have a fever - I can't even remember the last time I had one.  Two years ago when I had the flu, there was no fever.  So a fever is a big deal for me.

Anyhoo, Happy New Year to all my IF friends!  :)  Let's hope 2011 will be the last of us!

Appleseed grows

Lilypie Maternity tickers