Time for more theories - they make me feel better.

So, I've been reading about endometriosis.

I came across this:
Another hypothesis [about why endo occurs] is that anatomic abnormalities such as retroverted uteri [which I have!] and small cervical openings [which I have!] do not allow the blood to pass through freely, and it therefore backs up into other areas of the pelvis.

Hrmmm.  Makes you think, eh?
(Not that I'm abandoning my busted cervix theory - there still is the matter of pH)

So, as part of my 'plan', I was planning on moving down to 1 acu/month, but staying with the herbs this month, since it has been three months of acu and no baby, and it is starting to add up.

But maybe I am chickening out.  I LIKE going to see Dr T.  And if it takes months to see a good RE... I need to be doing something in the meantime.  Or if I can see a 'bad' RE right away - I'll need at least one medical professional in my life that pays attention and wants to sort me out, not just push me into expensive treatment.

And this AF did go rather well.  Less spotting than normal.  Less brown, more red.

Ok, let's see what Monday brings.  I plan on doing more research then trying to call a few RE offices.  

 

Has anyone tried to book with more than one RE, so you can be trying something out with one while you're waiting for another?  Like, if Dr #1 will take you in 7 months, but is reported to be excellent, you hang out with Dr #2 for the next 7 months, not wasting 7 cycles?

More babies on the way

So tonight at DH's bday party, there was a four month old baby here.  Fine.  She's cute.

BUT, another couple also just announced that they're expecting!!!!  Tonight!  Ah!  Just now!  Right here!

It was baby baby baby baby all night.  Man, I couldn't wait for everyone to leave.  Then I leaked a few.  Poor DH, having a downer wifey on his bday!

They did sort of mention they've been trying for a while, so... that's good.  Maybe they 'earned' it.  But man, if I find out 'a while' is like four months, I'll be...more jealous.  But they are a bit older, so really it might have been a few years.  But then what is 'trying' - just not using BC?  Or were they going hardcore like us?  They already have 12 year old twin girls who are super cute, but they had them rather young.

I think I'm upset because I started researching REs.  Why does it seems like most of them/their staff suck?  Seriously.  Even the potentially really good ones have several really bad reviews.  Why do we put up with this level of care?   And I may have to wait 7 MONTHS to see a highly rated RE?  There goes our pretty "2011 CS IF Plan" out the window! 

Ho hum.
I'm going to go order a crate of PreSeed.

Quite Reasonable

First off, I would like to say, Thank you IF ladies for all your suggestions and words of encouragement on Wednesday!  Mrs Hatter, I had no idea you were local - for some reason this makes your potential interaction with the famous Dr Sami so much more exciting!

So, I don't know what it is - but I've been feeling very un-stressed and quite reasonable about everything for the last two days.

It isn't diet - I've been even eating some junk food in the all day meetings I was in Tues-Thurs.  And today was cake day at work.
It isn't exercise - I did some, but nothing extreme to warrant such a change.  (Ashamed to say tonight was the first time in over a month I was really out of breath)
Acupuncture?  Maybe.  But last I had it was Monday.
Tuning out during a good portion of yesterday's meetings?  Yes, that might be it....

Anyhoo, it is a wonderful state.  Nothing is really bothering me. 

Traffic on the way home?  Meh - I'll get there when I get there.
Big party tomorrow and house is still a wreck?  Ah, no prob, I'm sure we'll have plenty of time tomorrow to clean.  Look at me blogging right now instead of cleaning the kitchen.  La la la.
Measurements went wrong at work?  Drag, we'll just have to adjust, man.
Not getting the right data I need from someone at work?  Well, I'll just ask them again tomorrow.
Having to move a meeting four times because someone can't use Outlook?  Ok, that did piss me off slightly, but I made a note of it, and moved on.
Having to pick a new RE?  Yes, that will be arduous, but it is necessary, we'll do it.
Exhausted at IKEA and they are out of our colour of drawers we wanted to buy?  Oh well, we'll have the other colour.

Why can't I always be like this????  Even though I try to have these relaxed and logical responses all the time, I am usually so much more stressy about things.  Well, I'm going to try and keep the relaxed thought process. 

Well, look who it is....

Our old friend AF.

Ok, so I guess it is time to focus on getting in shape/pH/IUI.  (sigh)
Even though I kind of expected her, I'm still... I don't know, feeling a bit off right now.  You know.

Anyone have any good fertility clinic suggestions in the GTA?
Dr T recommended one, the Hannam clinic.

Rant.

So normally I would wait to post until after my acupuncture appt tonight, but I'm so upset....

So today in a meeting with my boss, we were discussing two weeks ago when we'd really clashed over a few things and I think we were both really frustrated with each other, she told me I had an attitude problem.

She also made sure to mention that not only was my potential future promotion contingent on technical knowledge, it was also contingent on attitude.

Like, joke's on you, I don't CARE if I get promoted, I just want to get preggo and get the heck out of dodge!

But one doesn't say that in such meetings.  I tried to give her some feedback about what in her behaviour had contributed to our clashes, but she paid no attention, she continued to do no wrong.  Ugh.  She even said, "I don't know if you were having problems in your personal life or what, but..." - like, yeah, my entire life since about July has been one huge personal problem!

I worry my job really is too stressful for me, and I've tried to bring this up a few times, and she seems to understand at the time, but I don't think she gets it.  She really does live for work, ok for her, but I don't want to do that.

If we are starting adoption in September and it may take two years after that.... do I want to work there that long?  The money is good is a serious reason to stay... and again, a promotion would mean more money, which is better for my family (we're really trying to sock it away now in preparation of me potentially not working), but is it worth it?!?

Augh!  I am violating my 'do not think about work at home' rule tonight!  Augh!  I do not enjoy confrontation, and I'm sure I'll be replaying this in my head all night.  Hopefully Dr T can release this stress with a needle!

Plan for AF

So I'm pretty sure AF will come this month.  I'm even trying to convince myself it would be ok if she comes, to have a normal cycle after last month's shenangans.  Regardless:

My plan for when AF comes is twofold:

1.  Try to somehow lower my pH.  I've got a book from the library on the way about how foods affect your pH, but we'll see.  While I normally am all for hippies, the whole pH diet craze thing doesn't make sense to my scientific side  (lemons rasise your pH? what?).  At the very least, I will forego my decaf coffee and tea, I do think those affect pH.  (Forego only until after ovulation - then give me the occasional decaf coffee with high fat goat's milk, please!)

2.  Get back into shape.  Over the last many months (since my half marathon in September) I have been slowly getting out of shape.  Part of it is being easy on my body (more yoga, not wanting to run and jostle a potential embryo, which may or may not be stupid), some of it is Winter, but a large part of it is lazy.  I don't think this is good. 

• If AF comes this month, that's it, we're aiming toward a May-timeframe IUI.  I think it would be better if my body is strong and healthy come May, not weak and stressy and tired like it is now. 
• And if a few IUIs don't work out - well, better to be in shape in general.  Both to withstand what will likely be an arduous adoption process, and... well, I'm a firm believer in diet and lifestyle going a long way towards health and longevity.  My Mom is super unhealthy, and I do think that if she'd eaten healthy and excersised, she would have a tenth the problems she has now.  I do think that excersise can help heal the body as well.

I don't yet have a plan about how to get in shape.  I suppose I have several more days (about 3-5, I'm guessing) to figure that out.  I've been very wimpy about running outside in the cold this winter.

Oh, and I have decided to do the Yoga class on Fridays with my local IF ladies.  I was sort of stressy about this for a few days, since it really means turning my schedule upside down on Fridays, which means there are two nights a week I run my life around IF, which was starting to really hit home that my only hobby these days is IF... but I talked to my boss, she's ok with my skipping out super early on Friday, if I come in early, I just have to figure out if its better to drive or take the bus that day.  I thought about it, and the chance to hang with the IF posse every friday night for eight weeks is too delish to pass up!  :)

7DPO:  Vivid dreams are in full swing, and boobs are medium sore.  Skin is poor.  I'm going to go eat some pineapple.

Pew Pew Pew Pew

That is my acidic CM killing all my DH's nice spermies. 

Pew Pew Pew

Dr T confirmed that my CM should indeed be changing pH as the big O-day arrives.  It did not.

On the bright side, my chart is looking good this month so far, she thinks this could be it...but I don't quite see how with such acidic CM. 

And so begins the 2WW.  On the bright side side, tomorrow begins luteal phase yoga, which will be a nice change from "crazy" ovulatory phase yoga.