My Mom called me this afternoon. Which is weird (she doesn't normally call when I'm at work) - I was worried there was a death in the family. But she just was having trouble with her phones, she needed some tech advice. Fine, no prob. But then she's all - When you don't call for a few weeks, I get worried about you, are you mad at me? So I give my standard reply - if you are worried about me, why don't you just call me? And then she's all - I want my daughter to be worried about me and miss me and want to talk.
This is sort of heavy stuff for mid-afternoon at work conversation. Because I am not worried about her and I don't miss her. I call her out of a sense of duty, not because I miss her. And it hasn't occurred to me to worry about her (I'm not into worrying about things that don't need worrying about). She's fine.
I just don't have that great a relationship with my Mom. I worry - how will I be able to have a good relationship with my supposed future daughters if I can't have one with my own Mom? In general, while my Mom wasn't terrible (its not like she was a drug addict or hit me), I don't think she was that good. I have a lot of resentment. We're just not going to see eye to eye on this. Of course I don't miss her - when I do call she just talks about herself.
I mean, she's not a terrible ogre - she's just made some big life decisions that benefited her alone. And she's not empathetic at all. And she's crazy. No WAY can I tell her about IF - the whole world would know about it, and it would be trivialised.
Will I be cursed with a daughter that only remembers the bad things? Bah. I have a pretty good relationship with my Dad - we fight occasionally, but we make up. And I do call him every few days. So I'm not a terrible child. I just don't like my Mother. Sigh. I am much closer with one of my Aunts than my Mom - she's sort of a stand-in Mom.
I don't have any grand conclusions, I am just sort of... I don't know, I was thrown off this afternoon at work by all this.