Thursday, July 5, 2012


~10 DPO

AF will be here shortly.  My temperature was down this morning.  I've been tracking BBT for the last cycle or two, because I have an app on my phone and graphs are pretty.  But a temp drop is a sure sign of progesterone drop, meaning AF should come tomorrow.  :(  At least I know to expect her, so every trip to the bathroom isn't fraught with anxiety.

Hopefully she won't slay me. (physically - mentally she usually does)

I don't know, I've been really glum the last few days.  I don't know if my head is in the game for IUI#4.  We'll see.

My friend being accidentally pg was a real (unexpected) blow.  It is essentially like they are moving - except I will get invited to her baby shower <roll of eyes>.  I used to call them up to go out for a movie/dinner/drink/brunch.... but now I will not.  All conversation (or most of it) will necessarily be about baby now, I'm just not up for it. 

And really - guys aren't so good at keeping in touch.  And now I won't call him.  So pretty much this wedding I see them at on the weekend might be the last time I see them in years.  A real bummer.  Just another set of friends to join the baby club that I can't seem to join. <insert sad music>

I seem to spend a lot of time wondering what the heck I'm doing with this life.  My fancy job is about to get a WHOLE lot more stressful.  It only goes up from here.  I can maybe squeeze one last cycle before my old boss comes back.  And even if she's magically had a personality transplant to cool and calm, work switches into high gear for everyone about mid August and doesn't slow down until December.  So there is NO way to be less stressed than I am now.  Now I am not that stressed - but it can only go up, there will be no way for me to be less stressed.  (Also, looking at all the things I have to do in that time, I'm not sure how I could do them all - and I'm not working late too often, it is too stressful/don't like it, so.....?  Conflict coming....)

I was really hoping to be pg before she got back, so I could focus on le baby instead of all the drama I am pretty sure is coming.  But this seems doubtful.  My "two years and retire" plan had me jazzed for a while, but... those are two years of declining fertility!  AUGH.  (And really it is more like 5 years)

1 comment:

  1. Sending you big, big hugs. I wish we could hang out under a shady tree and drink kombucha together.

    Btw, wouldn't it be great if your boss got a personality transplant? I know some of my co-workers would benefit from one!


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