Sunday, April 17, 2011

Smooth, CS.

The baby party today was awful.  A 4 week old, 5 month old and 4 month old in attendance, plus a 3 day old who didn't come but new Dad did.  These are all my friends!  They have too many babies!!!  Besides us, the only people that didn't have a baby or toddler was two single guy friends.

I think at least a couple of people have sort of seen the writing on the wall - I am super interested in babies, we've been married for well over a year, I'm not super career oriented, no baby has appeared... maybe a good time to stop asking.

So I only got told once that I should have a baby.  It was by Tansly, of a previous post.  I made some sort of negative weird reply, then left the table, to go talk with another table.  Smoooooth.  The subject didn't come up again, and I didn't raise it.  They did come by our house for a visit, but I chickened out - I didn't tell them of our trouble.  Maybe through email?

Anyhoo, I am staying in tonight, skipping dinner with the in-laws.  I feel like I need to de-tox after all those babies, and all that smiling and acting nice.

Oh, but I do see that JBTC got a BFP!  Yay! Excellent news when an IF lady catches.  I had just decided to start following her (since she organizes the lenten prayer buddy circle), and whammo! I see a post with two lines in a picture!  :)


  1. You are SOOO brave to be around all of those kiddos! I limit my baby exposure to a minimal (or at least I try to!) and it will forever sting to be around other people's kids.

    Perhaps an e-mail is a good way to tell your friend about IF. I have told close friends of ours (and very few, because I just don't think it is anyone's business!) via e-mail and it was so much easier since I knew that if I told them in person that I would break down.

    Good for you for staying in! You've had a tough week with transitioning to the time and you need a break!

  2. If you want to share with Tansly I too think via email is an okay method. Then you don't have to worry about breaking down and she doesn't have to (perhaps) feel awkward and remember the things she said. (IMHO her comment is kinda inappropriate to anyone, in any situation. If you do want kids, if you don't want kids it's your call. Her comment is not cool.)

    Sorry it was such a bad time. You were very brave to go.

  3. Some folks are just "insensitive" either they don't think about what they say to people or ask or they are just down right mean. Experienced meeting both of these types of people.

    I guess we can never "avoid" all of the ladies who get preggo so easily and have kids running around them. Wow, this past weekend gathering for you was not good. All those babies, newborns etc. I don't know I think i would have ended up drinking 2 bottles of wine and eating an entire chocolate cake and having a burger and fries to top it off. I did get drunk at my first and last baby shower last summer and that seemed to numb the pain for a while. But i vow no more stupid baby showers unless it is a FELLOW IFER who got preggo. But others who can pop out a kid with no problemo..sorry, i can't do it man...if i had a twin i will send her.

    DH and I always have a backup plan to escape any type of "uncomfortable" gatherings and we always end up doing something sort of helps.

    The subject of all the same Tansley's out there,this is a time when you really find out "who are your real friends" i personally feel you don't need to explain anything to her if you don't feel like it. This is NOT her business. WOuld you expect her to tell you for ie. why she has not purchased a bigger home or why she has not gotten that promotion at work? you are not obligated..this is your life...take it or leave it. MY personal analogy on this is very simple: I believe folks should clean up their own backyard, deal with their own shit and mind their own freaking business and leave their unwanted stupid opinions at the door before they walk in and see others. I know i sound harsh but hey, i guess we all need to find a way to protect ourselves one way or another from these interesting characters. I bet you her life is a mess however she presents it. I think folks who have time in their hands to pass judgement of others dont' have enough things to occupy themselves. I certainly have no time to tell people if they should have kids or not or whatever--i dont even have time to think about them..i'm too stressed with my own crap.

    Don't ever show defeat in front of them as that proves to them that they are right to give you unwanted opinions. Next time don't leave the table just smile and say "you know what, gee, thanks for telling me that..gosh I guess i've been so busy being married and enjoying my life..that it just slipped my how was your trip to blah blah blah..and DRINK THAT WINE. Bring the attention back to her. Remember you are happily married and you have a life! Just because we dont' have kids at the present moment dosen't mean that we are a lesser person than the person judging us. My friend said something really great to me...not being a mother doesn't "define" me as a woman..i have so much more to me than that. That woke me up and helped me love myself more!

    YOu are strong to face this challenging journey, if it was Tansley i think she would have just chickened out or not even show up to see you guys! Pat yourself on the back for seeing them. You did well.

    Hey we missed you at the meetup girl! I was hoping to see u! Try to have a better week and this coming weekend no more friends/family stuff..just you and your DH and a glass of wine. Cheers!

  4. Argghh...sorry you had to go through that. I hope you drank/ate something good during your detox mode~

    People really do not get~ They make their wacky rude comments and...we need to just take it! No way, I would email her if you need to get it off your chest. Or like butterfly said- who cares what she thinks!!!! I am thinking of ya!!!

    I am dealing with a wacky friend right now, and she will not stop bugging me~ She has not picked up the phone since fall 2010 to ask how I am, She had a baby in Jan2011, I did my "send the card thing" and texted her congrats!! I am done- She is not close enough to me to make an arrangements to see her kid-But recently she has been texting me stupid crap!!! Like, "I didnt send you a invite to the baptism, but you can still come if you want-no pressure"...Really?? I am really not that crazy!!! I go to things- I am happy for people...she is making me sound like a nutjob- she is annoying me so much- I just ignore her texts!! Sorry to have hijacked your post...She saying, I can relate to some annoying comments of late!

  5. Blah, I hear ya St. Rita's Roses, what's up with these baby momma's? why don't they give us a BREAK! FOR PETE SAKE!
    Hugs for All! and sending you ladies some much needed CHOCOLATES!

  6. I gave up sweets for lent..I cant wait to have CHOCOLATE!!!!!


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