A reflection back to our 2nd anniversary

11 weeks, 5 days

Oh, what a difference a year makes.  Our 2nd anniversary?  Pretty awful.  Since our anniversary coincides with our TTC-aversary, 2 years really hit me hard.  I went trolling through the blog posts to see if I had posted about it.  Yup.  It's even worse than I remember.

I didn't even want to go out for our anniversary last year, and finally DH convinced me to go to a local restaurant we both liked.  I was sad the whole time.  Even though I tried to fill my head with things like "aren't I lucky to have my DH", all I could think of was two years TTC.

Now here I am on the flip side, still surprised to be here.  It still seems unreal to me.  Even when I think about becoming great with child, I don't 100% feel like that is actually going to happen to me.

All I can think about lately is how lucky and blessed I am.  I am still so happy to have my DH (and I love being married), but the addition of the Appleseed has somehow slanted the entire picture.  Now I am happy I have a fancy job (instead of hating it), so glad for our cozy house (see, I said 'cozy' and not 'dump of a'), etc.

I wish we all could be here, whether through adoption or birth.  It makes me so sad to think of our IF warriors still trying, or of the recent losses.  So I'm trying not to appear as if I'm gloating ... but I am so happy and thankful every day, and not taking anything for granted.

I think if we were still TTC this would be a wildly different anniversary from last year anyway - with the adoption seminar half done, things would be looking up.  Adoption is a bit scary at first because there is so much process, and you don't know all the rules.  But the seminar really does help, and everyone there is excited for adoption.