Friday, February 18, 2011

No Half Moons

Does everyone have half moons on their fingernails?  I only have them on my thumbs.   Dr T says this is related to an imbalance with certain organs (the ones not connected to my thumbs).  I know for sure I noticed this about two or three years ago... and I probably had half moons as a kid... but when I lost them in between those times, who knows?

Other than that, things are moving swimmingly.  Today is pineapple core day!  (Yes, 7DPO)  And this month's pineapple core was really nice - very ripe.

I am trying to be less angry and resentful of all things baby.  It occurred to me that were I to be so lucky and catch next, would I even be happy?  I've been so down on all baby related things, I've enjoyed relishing in the negative aspects of children instead of the positive, because to think about the positive things was too painful.  My friend came over and complained incessantly about her toddler - I LOVED it.  Haha - poop on the floor, eh?  Not for me!

But I think this is going to backfire for me.  It is true, at least it balances thinking having a baby will magically make everything wonderful (which a tiny part of me still believes)... but I think I've gone too far over to the dark side.  So I read a parenting magazine while waiting for the travel doctor, and tried to be positive about it - like, this may be relevant to me soon/eventually, instead of rolling my eyes or totally avoiding it (which is not in my nature - I want to soak up all parenting related information, if I ever am in the family way).

This morning had a baby dream, and I sort of knew I was dreaming... but I let myself fully enjoy hugging the baby and playing with her in the dream, instead of pushing it off.  I think this dovetails nicely with me not being so stressy lately, and continuing to forgo rushing.

1 comment:

  1. I am feeling the exact same way as you...i could go for days not "trying" to think about my unhappiness that i'm still childless and when some thought or anything baby related is in my view all of a sudden I feel that empty sadness again. I've tried for 2 years now to stay positive (i know others here have tried much much longer than me).
    It is not easy to not go to the dark side and get angry with anything baby related because ever since we were growing up we always thought that conceiving and having children would "just happen" no problem what so ever. I am still trying to let go of my sadness when i hear or see someone who is able to conceive their 1st child/2nd and third with no problems at all. The only problem that they feel is a real problem is that they can "bang" it out every month in the bedroom and no baby yet but a few months, I'm preggo...9 months later..her we go time..yeah LIFE SUCKS SH*T!

    Trust me, you are normal to feel this way. But I guess finding a way to look at it in a positive light is important too it can help with our mental health. Times i feel i need to see a shrink for my sadness.

    yeah, i agree when i hear friends say "oh, i dont' have time to eat anymore because our kid just won't let us...gosh, i guess i just relish my freedom right now and my endless coffee shop escapes by myself..with my little netbook and a nice cup of screaming babies latched onto myside!

    Take care and sending you a great big HUG! we will pull thorough this together and in keeping with thinking and staying postive..we will become moms very very soon! And we will be blogging about our parenting experiences one day! That is what I'm looking forward too! Keep smiling and enjoy the long weekend!


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